Amy Poehler “reported” during ‘Weekend Update’ on ‘Saturday Night Live’ last night: “It was reported that not only has Britney Spears been partying too much with Paris Hilton, but she stopped work on her new album. Oh, yeah, also, you have a 1-month-old baby at home.” Poehler then commented on the recent trend up celebrity pantiless upskirt photos featuring Britney, Paris, and Lindsay Lohan on the web. “And speaking of Britney Spears, I’d just like to take a moment to address this latest trend – flashing your business while coming in and/or leaving a limousine,” she remarked. “Ladies, you need to cool it. Nobody wants to see your baby factory. Look, I get it. I’ve been in this business for 65 years. I know how it works. Flashing beav’ is part of the game. But if you’re gonna do it, at least get paid for it. Or do it for charity, like I did when Andy Leibovitz took pictures of mine to raise money for an elephant sanctuary.” ‘Weekend Update’ partner Seth Meyers then corrected, “It’s actually Annie Leibovitz,” but Amy assured, “No, it was Andy Leibovitz. … Yeah. Anyway, the point is, you guys are making Tara Reid look like Audrey Hepburn. What’s next? Shots of stars pooping out a window? And lastly, ladies, what’s up with the deforestation going on down there? You need hair down there. It’s a backup system for underwear. So even when you’re showing it, you’re not really showing it. There was a time when a lady garden was as big as a slice of New York pizza. Then it turned into an upside down John Waters moustache. Now, every girl is as smooth as Joey Lawrence’s head. Global warming? You decide. But remember, I always believe a woman’s nethers should be shrouded in mystery. Seth, you had something to add?” Meyers: “Keep up the great work, ladies.”
Paris Hilton Arrives Too Late For In-N-Out Burger
December 2, 2006 – Paris and boyfriend Stavros Niarchos were spotted after a night of partying at Area, attempting to get some food at In-N-Out Burger, but being denied because they had closed. The pair settled for food at Wendy’s before returning to the heiress’ home. Pictures and video at x17online.com have since been removed.
Paris Hilton Backs Out of Billboards Over Jokes
December 2, 2006 – Elliot Mintz tells The Associated Press his client Paris has backed out of hosting the Billboard Music Awards because the jokes written for the heiress were insulting to her friends. “It is my understanding that some satirical references ridiculed some of her peers,” Mintz explained. “Paris did not want to say anything that could appear hurtful or embarrassing about people she knows.”