[ Cheers and applause ] Ll, you look adorable as always.

Jessica: Thank you very much.

Jimmy: Good to see you. Bhet in germany, actually.

Jessica: We did.

Jimmy: When we were in the military fighting the iraqis. We did, went on a uso tour together.

Jessica: That was a good time.

Jimmy: I was hoping when bhet there would be rumors we were dating but shockingly, none.

Jessica: They would be now. I wasn't a big enough clebt, maybe.

Jimmy: I don't think then anybody would think that was case. I don't think there would be rumors.

Jessica: If we walked out now, i guarantee you.

Jimmy: Let's go out.

Jessica: I would love to.

Jimmy: Good to have you. I hope everything is going well.

Jessica: Everything is going very well.

Jimmy: You had an interesting life, more interesting than most people.

Jessica: Inlting ingtesting year.

Jimmy: Everywhere you go a hoard of photographers following you around.

Jessica: Yes. I used to think about my outfits now I don'T. Mostly on worst dressed list. [popdirt.com]

Jimmy: Really? You find you are on the worst dressed a lot?

Jessica: I have been when you go wear sweats to pump gas. Someho it's a red carpet.

Jimmy: In a way it's a fiant act on your part to go out in sweats and say I don't give a crap I'm pumping some gas.

Jessica: That's the real jessica simpson right there.

Jimmy: Oprah doesn't even know how to pump gas.

Jessica: I heard about that.

Jimmy: She learned for the first time.

Jessica: I'm not saying i know how.

Jimmy: You swipe the credit card.

Jessica: I try.

Jessica:

Jimmy: Do you pump your own gas?

Jessica: I do.

Jimmy: You must know.

Jessica: I like to, got a big old range rover, probably pump too much gas.

Jimmy: The smell of the gas --

Jessica: I always liked that smell.

Jimmy: Do you top off or stop?

[ Laughter ] You know when it stops and you are not supposed to keep going?

Jessica: I keep going.

Jimmy: I do, too, i live on the edge like that.

Jessica: I do, too.

Jimmy: We would make a very cute couple.

Jessica: We would. Have you ever driven off with that in?

Jimmy: That I've not done.

Jessica: I've done that.

Jimmy: Really? Wow. What happens when you do that?

Jessica: Just goes flinging around, not know whg to land.

Jimmy: Do you keep going or do you stop?

Jessica: I keep going.

[ Laughter ]

Jimmy: Just throw a cigarette out the window.

Jessica: Wasn't me.

Jimmy: Well,ha something I don't think people knew about you. What else can you tell us -- i know you keep a journal.

Jessica: I do.

Jimmy: Seems like a very bad idea for someone like you.

Jessica: Some nights i write in pencil, some nights in pen.

Jimmy: I gotcha.

Jessica: Some nights i know what I write I'll want to erase.

Jimmy: My sister for instance foolishly kept a journal and of course i broke into and i got it, found out she loved donny osmond and told everyone.

Jessica: Oh, really? Not very nice brother.

Jimmy: Oh, no, no, I was bad. You have much more than just brothers to worry about. You have --

Jessica: Yeah.

Jimmy: Vul turs surrounding you.

Jessica: Thankou for that, now everybody on the hunt for all of my journals. People breaking into my house for m journals.

Jimmy: How many do you have? [popdirt.com]

Jessica: Definitely over 100.

Jimmy: Really? Wow. Are you careful?

Jessica: I go through like one every five months.

Jimmy: Really? Are you careful about what you write?

Jessica: No.

Jimmy: You write -- you are serious about stuff?

Jessica: The only way, for me, only way to get to noi kw myself.

Jimmy: Do you keep in a safe deposit box?

Jessica: I'm going to tell you i do. I do.

Jimmy: You should, by the way.

Jessica: I do. I keep it in a safe.

Jimmy: You should keep it in the safe. You should keep it at the mint or something for them to protect.

Jessica: I actually -- i keep it a couple of friends' houses.

Jimmy: Really?

Jessica: Just in case something were to happen, i have them locked up in certain place.

Jimmy: These are friends you trust?

Jessica: Yes. My little treasure chests.

Jimmy: Of all of the places you've been in the world what's been the best place you visited?

Jessica: I'm an austin, texas, kind of girl. I love austin, everything from the music and the people and willie nelson and --

Jimmy: And they fry everything.

Jessica: They fry everything to where you think it's healthy.

Jimmy: They have a movie near the auin, waiters and waitresses that serve food while you are in the movie theater.

Jessica: Like the old days.

Jimmy: Did they do that in old days?

Jessica: You drove up, could pack your own lunch.

Jimmy: You are in the movies now, not just snacking at the movies.

Jessica: Weird thing.

Jimmy: With our pal dane cook-cook cook --

Jessica: Great, grayeat guy.

Jimmy: Rumers with dane --

Jessica: Every person, I got around on that set.

[ Laughter ]

Jimmy: My uncle frank, for instance, you walked past him and already there are stories. [popdirt.com]

Jessica: I couldn't help it.

Jimmy: About the two of you. You made the movie and I've interrogated dane on this subject and he's -- if anything did go on he's not saying it.

Jessica: If anything did go on between us? We had chemistry, onscreen chemistry, and offscreen but nothing sexually.

Jimmy: Dane shaves his whole body. People don't don't knee?

Jessica: Does he, really? Didn't know that. I thought I was a gear friend of his.

Jimmy: You guys made the movie and looks like a funny movie.

Jessica: We all had a blast making it. It's fun because there is a lot of standup comedians, all in the groundlings.

Jimmy: Who else is in the movie?

Jessica: He' a genius.

Jimmy: The good andy dick or the bad?

Jessica: We got the good one.

Jimmy: Because the good one is really good and raemly a lot of fun.

Jessica: Yeah. Duelersonalities.

Jimmy: The bad one is horrible.

Jessica: I always get the good one. That's a good thing. I did in my video, i had to lick his face which was a little odd. But scruffy.

Jimmy: That maniac wrote a song but.

Jessica: Dehe?

Jimmy: About wanting to drink preer and put his feet in your hair.

Jessica: Really? Is it a new thing?

Jimmy: I heard it on adam corolla's radio show.

Jessica: You shoul have him on and do it.

Jimmy: If good andy showses up. You didn't know about that?

Jessica: Didn't know that. He didn't tell me.

Jimmy: Not everybody gets him. Who did you meet that you were most excited about meeting?

Jessica: Dolly parton. My ideal person to meet. I look up to her of i just found out she asked me to sing a song r one of her things.

Jimmy: Which song?

Jessica: I don't know yet.

Jimmy: Great. A tribute to her?

Jessica: Yeah. She's winning some award.

Jimmy: Have you ever been to dollywood?

Jessica: I have not been to dollywood but hope to have a jessicawood sometime.

Jimmy: I think a lot of americans have had jessicawood for quite some time. I apologize. I have a very dirty piend. We'll take break. Jessica simpson is with us. Her new movie is called "employee of the month" opens tomorrow. We'll have more after this. Come on back. &,

Jessica: Most girls have everything handed to them mencia not you mencia you're different mencia

Jessica: Check this out mencia

Jessica: Okay mencia holy -- you have huge ears mencia

Jessica: I know, right mencia

Jessica: You have huge ears, amy mencia

Jessica: Gosh, i heard it all through grade schools mencia dumbo, baby neyear, big ears mencia

Jessica: Whoa mencia

Jimmy: There you go, jessica simpson and dane cook in "employee of the month." Opens tomorrow mencia jess case here mencia have you ever been to costco?

Jessica: I buy everything in bulk.

Jimmy: I spend my weekends there.

Jessica: It's amazing what they have. It's you have everything you could possibly imagine.

Jimmy: I go, this is why people in other countries hate news america because they have everything there and it's just short of free, really there.

Jessica: Just short of.

Jimmy: Because you are in the public eye so much, could you even possibly date like a regular guy? Would you be able -- would it be --

Jessica: I don't know. I would think i would hope so. But you never know. [popdirt.com]

Jimmy: I mean if you went in the supermarket and saw --

Jessica: He won'tuldn't breg anymore. We would all of the sudden by everywhere.

Jimmy: A lot of pressure on some guys. Why do famous people date other famous people but i think in a way, for you --

Jessica: Balances you out a little bit.

Jimmy: Somebody wld freak out, there are photographers around you --

Jessica: Seriously, when it's least expected.

Jimmy: Right now. Please --

Jessica: Wow.

Jessica: I'm working here, kimmel.

Jessica: The cover of --

Jimmy: Go right back in the box we put you in.

Jessica: No, really, i get scared of stuff like that.

Jimmy: I don't blame you for getting scared.

Jessica: The other night i was out, i was scared there was a listening device in the couch. It's weird the things you think about and how paranoid you get.

Jimmy: You should date a paparazzi photographer and you could always be together.

Jessica: Oh, yummy.

Jimmy: Know all the guys.

Jessica: I think I'll just be on my own.

Jimmy: This is your album. How much time do you have to work on stuff like this? As far as music?

Jessica: I focus on one thing at a time, so i released this like three weeks ago and in the making of it, that was my focus. Before i actually promoted it, i shot "employee of the month" and now I'm promoting it and going to do another movie with luke will son called "blond ambition."

Jimmy: Do you think of yourself as a musician or actor?

Jessica: I -- overall entertainer. I, you know, i like to focus on the one thing I'm doing at that very moment, that way i can give it my all. [popdirt.com]

Jimmy: Gotcha. I write "entertainer" on my tax returns as well. "Jimmy kimmel, entertainer." I like the sound of it.

Jessica: I do, too.

Jimmy: Let me tell but jessica simpson, we went to germany, you were so nice, extra, extra nice. I think people --

Jessica: How could you not be, those men and women are so amazing. They changed my life

Jimmy: People find ways not to be.

Jessica: Thank you.