Brooke White Reflects On ‘Idol’ Experience

checked in with fans on her blog at MySpace (@brookewhite) on Thursday (November 13), talking about her experience on ‘American Idol’ and the difficulties with many people having an opinion about her and reading about it online, or handling the media. White tells readers:

After I was eliminated I was immediately thrown into the media machine and had the experience of doing “press”… lots and lots of press. This was quite interesting and eye opening for me, I have mentioned this several times, but during the show I kept myself in a bubble, away from TV, Radio and the internet… no reading the articles, the blogs, the forums or “Googling” of my name… this was a big no no for me. Again, in the beginning, after giving into the temptation or curiosity, wondering what people were thinking, you learn quickly that yes indeed EVERYONE has an opinion… and while some of those opinions are good, some of them are not. In fact that are beyond “not good” there are those that can be very hurtful, hateful and malicious… of someone they don’t even REALLY know. Or even if they are good, too much of that could cause your head to spin and get you a little too high. Let me tell you friends, it is scary to become the object of so many peoples opinion. That is why I decided to not go looking for it… if I wanted to hold on to who I am and stay entirely true to me! Obviously there was a small circle of people, who I trust, respect and listen to… whose opinions stem from honesty and love. So when I did my interviews there were reporters that would ask questions such as “How did it feel to be pegged ‘the emotional one’?” or “I noticed you often interrupted the judges, why is that?” and so on and so on. Hearing these things for the first time was definitely news to me, and was also the first time I had ever come to realization with any of it… maybe if I went back and “watched the tape” I would have stopped interrupting Simon and say “it’s okay” a million times, I really never meant to:).

I guess what I am trying to say is that, the entire time I was on American Idol, or off… I was completely myself… perhaps to a fault. Beyond preparing for performances I reacted to each situation on the spot, with out pre-meditation or strategy. Was I perfect, heck no, never… I always joked that if there was anything strange or awkward that could happen on the show, it happened to me! But there are moments that I have questioned if it’s a good idea to be so vulnerable when I am also so sensitive and soft… still no thick skin. But I want to be the first to confess to the world that I know I’m not perfect, somehow I find it’s liberating, I think it’s calms expectations and makes room for whats real. There isn’t much mysteriousness here, so I probably won’t make a great rockstar:)

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