Bush: War, Madonna Officially Over

According to the satirical political website, the Borowitz Report, during a nationally broadcast address a few weeks ago, President George W. Bush pronounced the war in Iraq, as well as the singer-actress Madonna, officially over. “The war in Iraq is over,” the President simply stated, “and so is Madonna.” While Mr. Bush acknowledged that Madonna still had “pockets of listeners,” he added that even they would soon disperse after listening to her new CD, ‘American Life.’ Dr. David Henner, who studies annoying celebrities at the University of Minnesota, cautioned that little or no thought had been given to what might eventually replace Madonna. “In a worst-case scenario, her sudden departure could be setting the stage for Kelly Osbourne or Kelly Clarkson or some other Kelly we don’t even know about yet,” Dr. Henner said.