Lindi Ortega Twitter Jokes

Lindi Ortega 2013

Lindi Ortega checked in with her Twitter followers (@lindiortega) on Saturday (August 31) to provide some comic relief while on tour in support of her new album ‘Tin Star’, coming out October 8th. The Canadian singer songwriter joked:

I tried to start a support group for loners… But no one showed up

Then I tried to start an awards show for losers but I lost all the awards..

I’m here every night… For all your really bad twitter stand up comedy needs

Actually I have a great joke… What do you call a fascist potato? …. A dick tater! Har har har

Jimmy Kimmel Mocks Singing Competition TV Shows

Jimmy Kimmel was going hard at reality singing competitions in his ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’ monologue on Thursday night (May 24), including the latest which joins him on the ABC lineup – ‘Duets’. The show, which features John Legend, Kelly Clarkson and Robin Thicke, joins ‘American Idol’ and ‘The X Factor’ on FOX, as well as ‘The Voice’ on NBC in the genre. Kimmel joked:

We’re excited because we have a new show premiere tonight here on ABC, a singing competition show. It’s about time somebody did one of those.

Each of the new show’s stars say they are in search of undiscovered talent, which I don’t think we have anymore, to be honest with you. In fact, I think we should start forcing some of our existing celebrities back into obscurity.

Here’s how a TV pitch meeting goes. “Ok, so, it’s a singing competition, and…” “Stop right there, we love it. We’re putting it on.”

A new ‘American Idol’ winner for the fourth year in a row is the white kid with the guitar. This one’s name is Phillip Phillips. It will be hard to forget someone with that name, but I have every confidence that we will.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Offers Lindsay Lohan House Arrest Encouragement?

‘Late Night with Jimmy Fallon’ joked about Lindsay Lohan beginning her house arrest last week. The chat show host said in his opening monologue:

Lindsay began her house arrest today and was given an electronic ankle bracelet. Good luck getting that back.

That’s right, today Lindsay Lohan began her house arrest. When he heard about it, Arnold Schwarzenegger was like, “Don’t worry, Lindsay. Sometimes everything you need is right in your own house.”

Lindsay Lohan My Bloody Photo Shoot Behind The Scenes

May 11, 2011 – 13 full moons ago, Lindsay Lohan and Tyler Shields had one bloody photo shoot, and was there to document the infamous evening. Watch the remastered edit of that night, featuring never-before-seen footage of LiLo, via YouTub below.

Lindsay Lohan Talks Jail, Gotti, Family & Fans

April 28, 2011 – Lindsay Lohan was on ‘The Tonight Show with Jay Leno’ on Tuesday (April 26), where the actress and singer talked about meeting John Gotti, making a lot of mistakes, how her lawyer is married to a guy in Leno’s band, being sentenced to 120 days in jail, her parents, support she’s gotten from fans, what she’ll be doing at 30, her love life and the paparazzi.

“I’ve made a lot of poor decisions in the past and I’m dealing with the consequences of those decisions… I’m not a kid anymore, I’m 24,” she said. Asked where she hoped to be in six years after turning 30, LiLo said, “Hopefully sitting here after I’ve won an Oscar, that would be ideal. Work, work work.”

The 3-part interview video at has since been removed.

Osama bin Laden Greeted In Hell By Rebecca Black?

‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’ had a comedy bit speculating where Osama bin Laden’s soul will travel last night called “Hell-o From Hell”, where the terrorist leader was seen waking up with a woman by his side in a burka. That woman was 13-year-old ‘Friday’ singer Rebecca Black, who tortured bin Laden with her infamous tune.

The video at YouTube has since been removed.

Jayk Purdy Lashes Out At His Own Line Of Questioning

Twit Richard is back with his second interview, this time with Jayk Purdy of Varsity Fanclub. Jayk must have not known about him because he kept calling him Chip and wasn’t happy with his line of questioning.

Video of the Chris Brown ‘GMA’ loose parody, aka Jayk talking to himself, at YouTube has since been removed.

No Hits, Just Anthem Performances For ‘American Idol’ Alums

‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’ joked about how lately winners of ‘American Idol’ haven’t done so well with their post ‘Idol’ careers, with many making public appearances to sing the National Anthem.

The comedy clip, featuring anthem excerpts from Taylor Hicks, Crystal Bowersox, Kimberly Caldwell, Josh Gracin, Jessica Sierra and Chris Sligh, has since been removed at YouTube.

Preview Jennifer Lopez & Steven Tyler In Action On ‘American Idol’

December 5, 2010 – Get your first look at new judges Steven Tyler of Aerosmith and Jennifer Lopez as they join returning judge Randy Jackson for season 10 of ‘American Idol’ with a pair of 45 second promos before the show’s debut on FOX on Wednesday, January 19th.

Past Winners Star In ‘American Idol’ Season 10 Commercials

November 1, 2010 – The winners of the last 9 seasons of ‘American Idol’, from season one champ Kelly Clarkson to last season’s winner Lee DeWyze, are featured in the first promos for the upcoming 10th season of the show, as first revealed during game three of the World Series between the Texas Rangers and San Francisco Giants. ‘Idol’ returns to FOX January 2011. Watch the 30 and 60 second commercials via YouTube below.

Changes To ‘American Idol’

September 23, 2010 – On ‘Good Day NY’, Chloe Melas of took a closer look at the new judges panel on ‘American Idol’, Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler. They also discussed how Interscope boss Jimmy Iovine is going to be the new in-house mentor and may be the show’s “villain” to fill the role of Simon Cowell. Video of the segment at has since been removed.

Britney Spears Pickup Lines Turned Song Titles

Britney Spears live

‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’ featured clever song titles on a new Britney Spears album ‘Pickup’ in light of her latest single having the lyric, “If I said I want your body now, would you hold it against me?” Among them: ‘My Face Is Leaving In Ten Minutes – Be On It’, ‘Was Your Daddy A Farmer? Because I Love Those Melons’, ‘If You Were A Booger, I’d Pick You First’, ‘You Must Work At Subway – You’re Giving Me A Foot-Long’.

The comedy bit via YouTube has since been removed.

Who Won Last Year’s ‘American Idol’?

‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’ featured Cousin Sal asking people on the street who won ‘American Idol’ last year just as the show’s tenth season begins. Though the people said they watched the hit FOX show, nobody was able to correctly guess who it was even though Sal was wearing a Lee DeWyze paper mask and a t-shirt that said, “It’s Lee DeWyze”.

The comedy clip at YouTube has since been removed.

Jimmy Kimmel Jokes About Justin Bieber Memoir Release

‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’ joked about the release of Justin Bieber’s new book ‘First Step 2 Forever: My Story’ during his monologue on Tuesday. “It’s 240 pages long and every sentence begins with the word girl,” Kimmel joked before playing a spoof of a news report from E!.

Video at YouTube has since been removed.

Justin Bieber Dolls

‘Jimmy Kimmel Live’ joked about news there’s a line of Justin Bieber dolls coming out in time for Christmas. “Obviously this will be the perfect gift for the hormonal young girl in your life, but it’s also a great item for their brothers to strap a bottle rocket to and shoot into traffic,” Kimmel joked. Watch the comedy clip at YouTube has since been removed.