Drew Carey Fills In For Leno’s Thursday Jackson Monologue

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Thursday night, “Well, according to a story just released today, is broke. ABC is reporting that he is not able to make his payroll for the Neverland ranch. To give you an idea of how broke he is, last night at his dinner table, the kids said, ‘llama again?'” After reminding the audience about his gag order in the Jackson case, Leno brought out Drew Carey to fill in on the Jacko-logue. Carey joked, “You know, showed up in court late today wearing his pajamas bottoms. You know what? If we find a kid wearing the pajama top, we have another court case on our hands. … Yeah, he showed up in court. He was looking stiff, awkward. He had difficulty moving. Hey, maybe he is really white. … The official word from the Jackson camp is he has a a hurt back. Hey, kids are heavier now. … What does call a school bus? Meals on wheels, everybody. Meals on wheels. … You know where Michael’s two favorite places to go on vacation are? Youngstown and Boise. … What does never say after having sex? ‘Why don’t you grow up?’ … This is disturbing news. The accuser’s brother testified that walked around naked and aroused. And here’s the creepy part. It was at Chuck E. Cheese. That was the creepy part. … Yesterday, we heard testimony from the accuser’s younger brother. Or as Michael calls them, ‘Plan B’. … Yeah, observers say that Michael rarely looked at his accuser on the stand. Well, of course, he didn’t. The kid’s 15 now.”

Jackson Provides Excuse For Courtroom Tardiness

March 11, 2005 – Conan O’Brien joked during his Late Night monologue on Thursday night, “Earlier today in Los Angeles, Michael Jackson showed up really late to court because he claims he has a sore back. Yeah, when asked about it, Michael said, ‘Sorry, I slept on a really lumpy 12-year-old’. … When Michael finally showed up in the courtroom, he was wearing pajama bottoms. That’s true, he wore pajama bottoms today. Yeah, ’cause if there’s one thing you want to wear to a molestation trial, it’s pajama bottoms!”

Friends Fear Jackson May Kill Himself

March 11, 2005 – Roger Friedman of FoxNews.com reports that Michael Jackson’s close friends now really fear that the King of Pop will commit suicide. The scene this morning at the courthouse in Santa Maria convinced pals that Jackson is in serious mental trouble. “He does not have back trouble,” an insider told Friedman. “He’s making it up. But he’s definitely in pain. He’s creating it.” Read more.

Carrot Top Fills In For ‘Tonight Show’ Jacko-logue

March 10, 2005 – Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Wednesday night, “Well, there are reports that Michael Jackson may be trying to sell the Neverland ranch. He’s having financial problems. That’s what they said in the paper today. Might be putting it on the market. And Michael’s neighbors are up in arms. They’re really upset. They’re afraid some weirdo might move in.” After reminding the audience of his gag order in the Jackson case, he brought out Carrot Top to take over. The red-headed comic joked, “Hey, guess what? You when it’s bedtime at Michael Jackson’s house? When the big hand’s on the little hand. … And today, today Michael Jackson told the jury that he actually likes 38-year-olds. What he meant was 30 8-year-olds. … And this is disturbing. The new sandwich, have you heard of the McJackson sandwich? It’s 46-year-old meat between 13-year-old buns.”

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