How To Build A Better Pop Artist

Contributed anonymously:

The following techniques will help you build a better pop artist:

1. Hire the best song writer(s) and producer(s) money can buy: Monetary compensation is key here. With the correct amount of money a song writer will give “co-writing” credit to the artist and the producer will orchestrate the song to mask any lack of vocal prowess. Additionally, both will say what a pleasure it was to work with the artist in question.

2. Vocal ability: Not really necessary. However, if you do have an artist that can actually sing make sure they over-use their voice at every opportunity. This will remind listeners of the artist’s talent (in case they forgot). If no real vocal talent can be found moaning and whispering on album tracks is an acceptable substitute. Also, complicated choreography may be used to mask this shortcoming when the artist is on stage.

3. Discuss Personal Life At Every Opportunity:
An artist must discuss their personal life either through interviews or in “their” music. (Both is ideal). This is mandatory if they are or were a part of a celebrity couple. If the artist is male he must bitch and moan about any relationship that has gone sour. This will make him appear sensitive and vulnerable. If the artist is female she should “take the high road” and say nothing damaging about the other party, regardless of what is being said about her. It is more acceptable for a man to be a-hole than for a woman to be a bitch.
*Special note* A reality show revolving around the artist’s life may be used–but only as a last resort.

4. Convey maturity through sex: It is important that pop star be seen as a true artist. To reach this goal semi-nudity should be used with discretion. This will clearly demonstrate artist’s growth as a person. (This is mandatory for female artists and optional for male artists). If overuse occurs one of two routes can be taken: The artist can either lash out and say its empowering and tell the media to fu** off OR they may claim they were tricked and did not know what was occurring. Additionally, suggestive videos and lyrics should be used on a consistent basis. When questioned about the content the artist should use the same responses as previously mentioned.

If none of the above techniques work for the pop artist in question, hold an open call to find a replacement. With right people behind them anyone can be a pop star….for at least 15 minutes.


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11 thoughts on “How To Build A Better Pop Artist

  1. JLOVER101 says:

    ANOTHER BRITNEY HATER. ANOTHER DUMB ESSAY.

  2. ballersfantasy says:

    This is what I read: The following techniques will help you build a better pop artist:…blah blah blah…I hate Britney Spears…If no real vocal talent can be found moaning and whispering on album tracks is an acceptable substitute…blah blah blah…I am bitter because her album will be a success…blah blah blah…With right people behind them anyone can be a pop star….for at least 15 minutes…blah blah blah…I hate Britney Spears… -Seriously, all these essays are stupid. If your how-to paper can get posted, maybe I’ll have luck and get my “how to make a cake” paper posted too.

  3. Music02 says:

    HA! NOT! I think that people see through the fake pop stars that record labels put together. Even though some people say that Britney Spears was a manufactured pop star she has been around for awhile now. She is an awesome stage performer too. And many pop stars do write there own material like Mariah Carey who has had 15 number 1 singles more than any other female singer.

  4. Janaya says:

    Actually, that comment was meant for Mariah. All she does is moan and whisper, and has to lip sync to that during her performances. Pathetic.

  5. MeAgainstTheMusic says:

    HAHA…good read. proves that anyone can have an essay published here on popdirt..again…again….and again.. NOT ANYONE can be a pop star. not anyone can withstand the constant pressures. not anyone can be able to go for weeks with 3 hrs of sleep at night. not anyone can deal with all the sh** that is thrown at them from the media and the press and the haters. not anyone can go for weeks without seeing any of their loved ones. not anybody can understand why people that are supposed to be your friends go constantly behind your back and leak information about your personal life to the media. not just anyone can listen to your ex boyfriend talk about the most intimate thing that you have ever done with anyone in your whole life on a cheap ass radio show. not anyone would want to even make a song ever again after going through the things I’ve just mentioned. but some do, and they inspire so many people in so many ways to go on with everything that it is they do. so I wanna say thank you to those who do, because I love you all.

  6. ballersfantasy says:

    Janaya: “Actually, that comment was meant for Mariah. All she does is moan and whisper, and has to lip sync to that during her performances. Pathetic.” Okay…maybe Janaya wrote this stupid essay. I could care less- the point is, its clear whoever wrote this was directing it towards Britney Spears. What’s sad is, they don’t have the balls to reveal themselves or flat out say its about Brit. Envy won’t get you anywhere folks, so just give it up!

  7. StayGoneBeautiful says:

    Hey, This site was a joke a long time ago. After they ran that botched Mariah poll. Jennifer Lopez was winning, and then MusicMan or whoever runs this damn site changed the stats so that Mariah was ahead of everybody. She was really behind. I’m gonna stop visiting pretty soon because I post interesting things, and crap like this gets posted and my stuff doesn’t.

  8. B0rntoplay says:

    Uh, hey morons, this applied to everyone…not just Britney. Pull your head out of your asses, because this was an obvious attack on all pop artists.

  9. atomickitten says:

    BRILLIANT ESSAY!!! Look at all these dumb little kids not knowing what the heck they’re talking about. That essay was more honest than Britney has been in her entire life.

    Oh, and this essay did not apply to ALL pop stars you dumbass. Mandy doesn’t use sex to sell her music. She only had ONE producer. Her vocal ability is utterly obvious. Her private life does get mention…but she doesn’t bring it up. She doesn’t claim writing or co-writing credit. You’re a fool. Christina obviously has vocal ability. The only person this brilliant essay applied to was that talentless, lip syncing, publicity hogging, clothes dropping BRITNEY.

  10. ballersfantasy says:

    I doubt it.. since Britney is on the verge of releasing her album, haters are gonna try to say everything they can to bring her or her fans down. (which won’t work anyways)

    1.) Hiring best song writers and producers- yep, that’s Britney. We all know she doesn’t write her own stuff. Maybe little now, but still.

    2.) Vocal ability not really necessary. If no real vocal talent can be found moaning and whispering on album tracks is an acceptable substitute. Also, complicated choreography may be used to mask this shortcoming when the artist is on stage.- hmm…..not vocal talent, heavy choreography- yep that’s Brit.

    3.)Discuss Personal Life At Every Opportunity- her boobs, virginity, the kiss- its Britney.

    4.) Convey maturity through sex. To reach this goal semi-nudity should be used with discretion. If overuse occurs one of two routes can be taken: The artist can either lash out and say its empowering and tell the media to fu** off OR they may claim they were tricked and did not know what was occurring.- sounds like Brit and her new sexual side including her Esquire photoshoot.

  11. clayfan says:

    Thank you for posting an insightful essay. This is, of course, the blueprint most of today’s pop star hopefuls follow. This shows that some of us can see through the facade they try to pass off as “artistry.” Very entertaining, humorous, and worth the read. I look forward to your next post.

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