Intoxicating Britney Spears? Beautiful Christina Aguilera?

Contributed Anonymously:

Tramping along the beaten path, I will test your patience by talking about the hottest female artists in the music industry today. While may get married more often than Homer Simpson saying “duh” and may think of herself as a genius as often as one blinks, let go back to the basics and talk about what they do … nope.. I am not talking about the circus acts, ‘delicate piercings” or the stripper dances, but rather their music.

Let’s begin with Spears since all of her fans seem to think that everything began with the great Britney. Sorry to say, but “Baby One More Time” is crap.. Or dung… an almost artistic desert saved the quasi-classic “Baby one more time” in which Britney swings between hinting about S&M or just being totally wasted. Then came, “Oops I did It Again”, and this time around Britney proudly proclaimed that “I am not that innocent.” This is indeed interesting considering the fact that her album also contained the Rolling Stone. “Satisfaction” And even though one is tempted that she was miming those words, there was undeniable fire and tease in her voice.

With the coming of “Britney”, Spears continued to shed more clothes and inhibition….. Musically that it. Who in the freaking world is not at least attracted to that infectious “I am A Slave 4 U”? Not a bad song, definitely a good beat. However, what was a genius moment in a Britney timelines lies in her iconic “I am not a girl, not yet a woman.” which so subtlety and effectively expressed a delicate moment in a female’s life. A definite work of someone who had at least a vision in her music. And now, we finally into “In The Zone” where Britney was busy playing with Madonna, a guy named joy, herself and herself… Curiously, the album ended with “Everytime” A song dripping with melancholic, accentuated by Britney’s lone vocals and of course accompanied by an ambiguous video, it was just too believable… Britney may not have pipes of Whitney Houston or Aretha Franklin but she has the drive and ambition of Madonna and Debbie Harry.

Now, let’s get on to Aguilera’s kilts now… or is Aguilera still pretending to be Latina… tu sabes que señorita Aguilera no tiene ninguna idea lo que he escrito aqui? That’s right; never fake an ethnicity or anything if you can’t do it truthfully enough — a lesson to be learned by Avril Lavigne too… To be fair and square, Aguilera is at least 5 times more gifted than Spears. First of all, that woman can seriously sing, and even though her soulful pipes are indeed “soulful” they are also immensely unique. No one can sound like Aguilera. Plus — if you give her a pole, you bet that girl can skank out just as well as any Las Vegas showgirl. In short, that girl is a powerhouse singer and dancer. As all her fans firmly testify, she is the queen of the world, right?

First, it was “Genie in a bottle”, which is still the best and most honest work of hers, since; she is still the same white girl in a bottle, waiting for someone to rub her up and down. Then came, more come hither songs like the naughty, “Come On Over” So, while fans were waiting for her “second” album, the SELF-PROCLAIMED song writer wrote nothing for Mi Reflejo… and fans came to her rescue that Aguilera nunca puede hablar una palabra de espanol.. It’s ok… but if she had been a song writer all the while, wouldn’t she be able to write music? Oh… bad Agui-liar .. Then came “Stripped” and hell finally took residence in Mickey Mouse mansion. “Dirrty” — two “rr” in honor of her attempt to replace Nelly’s “Hot in Herre”… Nope… sorry white girl from Pittsburgh. “Beautiful” is beautiful, no complains but when she sings “You are beautiful no matter they say.” I couldn’t help but notice her new DD boobs. Apparently, “You are also beautiful no matter what your plastic surgeon says.” Singles after singles, Aguilera screams (even though she screams quite beautifully) desperation. From the “Fighter” , a rip off of some Beyonce’s songs, to “Can’t Hold Us Down” which is the next theme song for the gay parade , Christina’s mission in life is clear – ANNIHILATE BRITNEY SPEARS, plus at the same time, complain about every single female creatures who might posed an immediate threat to you.

Ok… in conclusion… in this world where a seemingly talentless Britney continues to thrive, it is balance by a seemingly talented Christina who continues to pretend to succeed. Neither Britney nor Christina fans should ever curse either pop star since the world would be so boring without any of the two. But if, someone should ever give me a chance to vote either one of the two, I would have to say goodbye sadly to.

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