Is Jessica Simpson A Functional Illiterate?

The New York Post reports behavior by Jessica Simpson indicates the singer may be functional illiterate. On the ‘Newlyweds’ recent season finale hubby of 98 Degrees gave her a Valentine’s Day card, which she gave back to him, saying that she couldn’t read his handwriting and that he should read it to her – which he did.

“She claimed that the writing was too sloppy, but the excuse was straight out of some After School Special,” says Stephen Falk, who recaps the series for the Web site “While watching all 10 episodes this season, it became clear that Jessica can’t read. While I’m being a bit facetious, there are tons of examples of Jessica pawning things off to other people for them to read.”

Kilborn Celebrates 5th Year ‘Late Show’ Anniversary

April 3, 2004 – Craig Kilborn joked about Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Lopez during the 5th year anniversary of Late Late Show during his monologue on Thursday night. Kilborn said, “I got several telegrams today. Jessica Simpson sent one that said, ‘Congratulations Regis!’ J. Lo sent me a telegram too. It said, ‘What’s an anniversary?'”

Jessica’s High-Maintenance Admission

April 2, 2004 – Us Weekly quotes Jessica Simpson stating: “I like amusement parks, but I’d rather go to Barneys. I’m high-maintenance. I can live with that.”

Jessica Shy At Ford Theater After Flub

April 2, 2004 – Ted Casablanca of E! Online reports Jessica Simpson and hubby of 98 Degrees were spotted schmoozing with a mostly over-50 crowd at Ford’s Theater pre-gala reception at the White House in Washington DC. Nick seemed more talkative than Jessica, who remained quite shy and reserved after embarrassing herself when introduced to Interior Secretary Gale Norton and exclaiming: “You’ve done a nice job decorating the White House.”

Jessica Supporting John Kerry

April 1, 2004 – Craig Kilborn joked about the intellectually challenged reputation of President Bush during his Late Late Show monologue on Wednesday night. Craig joked, “Even Jessica Simpson is supporting John Kerry. You know you’re in trouble when one of your own is supporting the opposition.”

People Celebrates Three Decades With Jessica

March 31, 2004 – Jessica Simpson graces the cover of People magazine’s 30th birthday double issue. People’s Senior Editor Jess Cagle tells ‘Extra’ the magazine is packed with an extraordinary look back at stars, scandals and a few unsolved mysteries, including how much plastic surgery has had and where Jimmy Hoffa is.

A Hot Monday In LA

March 30, 2004 – Craig Kilborn joked during his Late Late Show monologue on Monday night, “Wow it was hot today. It was so hot that I saw Jessica Simpson putting sunscreen on a screen door.”

Starring Jessica Simpson As … Jessica Sampson

March 29, 2004 – Jessica Simpson talked about her new ABC sitcom that is still in development, but would cast the singer as ‘Jessica Sampson’. “It’s like reality-meets-script, kind of like how ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ was done,” Simpson explained to MTV News, “but not as much, because there’s more script than that. But a lot of it will be just seeing how much of a fool I can make of myself. I don’t mind. Laugh at yourself, you know?”

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10 thoughts on “Is Jessica Simpson A Functional Illiterate?

  1. Lava33 says:

    LOL, Jessica is dumb, but come on now, she isn’t that stupid. I just think she’s too lazy to read and she seems to like it when other people do things for her.

  2. WritingButterfly says:

    Come on! She read the whole scene from 7th grade with her friend, remember? About the girls on the way to church? Evidence is strong, but MTV editing is stronger.

  3. pop_fan24 says:

    Dude, this guy is totally out of it, doesn’t he know it’s all an act. Jess is totally not dumb in real life. and for the record ditzy does not equal dumb.

  4. XxmissyxX says:

    ok I haven’t seen a single episode of “newlyweds” this season…BUT all I have to say is televisionwithoutpity is the funniest website ever! I luv it…..its too damn hilarious y’all. read the recaps for your fave TV’ll have you rotfl! (I can’t believe I just wrote rotfl….gag)

  5. popmaster167 says:

    lol, that’s funny :) surely she can’t be that dumb?! I hope not anyway it doesn’t matter,shes a rich celeb so reading isn’t exactly important,if she was a ordinary common person though she would have endless problems.

  6. weebongo says:

    Jessica writes her own lyrics. On her new album she wrote 9 out of 11 songs. That makes her much smarted than the 2 airheads Christina and Britney who have never wrote a song and don’t even have the brainpower to put together a shopping list. Britney being the smarter of the 2 since she can actually articulate herself and doesn’t need to spend ten minutes like Christina to cough up a sentence. By the time Christina thinks of what word she wants to use next in a sentence Jessica would have already wrote a new song.

  7. Brinn says:

    Christina writes plenty of songs. Her co-writer Scott Storch (sp?) has said that she wrote plenty of songs on Stripped herself and that he only added 2 or 3 lines here and there. And Britney, the smarter one? She says ‘like’ and ‘retard’ about 50 times in one sentence. Very intelligent, Britney. Go back to school.

  8. weebongo says:

    Christina only gets co-writing credits on her album. If she wrote a song she would get top writing credits, which she does not. Don’t fool yourself, Christina has never written a song and with her limited brainpower probably never will. If Christina does ever write a song it will be something like the wheels on the car go round and round. Check the liner notes on Stripped, you’ll see for a fact Christina only gets some co-writing credits if anything.

  9. Brinn says:

    Obviously you need to go back to school as well. Try reading my post again. I said her co-writer Scott Storch (with whom she is credited as a co-writer on most of the songs on Stripped), has said that Christina wrote 95% of the songs he did with her, and that he was only credited for changing a few words or so here and there. Christina is far more intelligent than Britney and Jessica combined – this is evident even from promo interviews.

  10. weebongo says:

    I read what you wrote and now this is what your dumbass has to understand. The liner notes on Stripped only give Christina co-writing credits. This is a FACT. Why would I believe you that some writer said Christina wrote 95% of the songs she worked on with him if the liner notes say she DID NOT. Really you Christina fans are as dumb as your idol not wanting to accept that Christina is to stupid to write a song.

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