Jay Leno fired off a string of Michael Jackson jokes during his Tonight Show monologue on Friday after watching the documentary with Martin Bashir. Check them out as follows:
Well, folks, it’s official. It looks like there’s now enough evidence for the United States to send in troops. Not to Iraq. To the Neverland Ranch!
The heavy makeup, the cheek implants, all that cosmetic surgery. And that was just Barbara Walters, okay.
Ooh, wasn’t it creepy? Wasn’t even like a tv show. More like a two-hour Amber alert, wasn’t it? Oh, my God.
And boy, Michael is complaining today. He said the show portrayed him — this is his quote — portrayed him ‘in an unflattering light.’ Yeah. I think that’s called daylight.
And he is furious. He’s got his lawyers working. He said the documentary was terrible, he said it was unfair. In fact, he is so mad — listen to this — he canceled tonight’s sleepover. Okay, that’s how mad.
I liked the part where michael complained — [ In high-pitched voice ] He’s only had two surgeries to his face. He’s only had two surgeries to his face, and they were only on his nose. Even Cher was going, ‘Shut up!’
It was fascinating to learn about the early days. Michael talked about when he was 12 years old he would get $200,000 checks in the mail. You see that part? Shows how times have changed. Now 12-year-olds are getting $200,000 checks from Michael!
Now, how about — and how about that shopping spree Michael went on in Las Vegas? Did you see that thing? Where he’s walking around, going — [ In high-pitched voice ] ‘I’ll take one of those. I’ll take two of those. I’ll take three of those. I’ll take one –’ same thing he does at the orphanage. ‘I’ll take one of those, I’ll take –’
And then when — you know, it started out, because you felt sorry for him, didn’t you, at the beginning. Didn’t you kind of feel sorry? And then didn’t it just get creepy? Like he said the most beautiful thing a person can do is share their bed with someone. Yeah. Yeah, let’s see if he feels the same way when he’s in prison. Okay?
Oh, and those paintings. Oh, man! How about his house? All those paintings of himself on the walls. Did you see that? Every wall had, like, five paintings of himself. Even Saddam Hussein is going, ‘What’s the matter with you?’