Jay Leno’s Post-Testimony Jacko-logue

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Tuesday night, “Well, I just got back from testifying. I don’t want to say it was hot up there in Santa Maria, but was asking boys what they’d do for a a Klondike Bar. … I’ll tell you, you know, it was really odd walking into that courtroom today because I realized it was the first time I had seen Michael since I was 12. … I’ll tell you, you know the worst part about testifying, I had to follow the chimp. The witness chair was a mess. It was awful. What an awful thing. … Actually, there was one kind of embarrassing moment when I took the stand and they asked me to point to the defendant and I pointed out La Toya. … I tell you one thing, though, seriously, you know what’s amazing about being in the same room with Michael Jackson, in person he almost looks life-like. … Well, there’s a lot of talk about Michael Jackson, if he’s acquitted he wants to leave the country as soon as the trial’s over. That’s what they said. One report says he wants to go to Africa and disappear. He want’s to disappear in Africa. Africa? I think he has a better chance of disappearing in Sweden. … Well, after, what, 12 weeks of trial Michael Jackson’s attorneys, they have finally admitted that Michael slept with children, but it was about love not sex. Which just goes to prove that line works for all guys. … Here’s an odd story. An 11-year-old boy has been called two different times for jury duty. Got called the first time when he was 3 and again, now he’s 11. An 11-year-old on jury duty. That sounds like Michael Jackson’s worst nightmare, doesn’t it?”

Leno’s Jacko-logue Ahead Of Testimony

May 24, 2005 – Ahead of his testimony in the Michael Jackson child molestation trial today, Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Monday night, “Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Michael Jackson witness holding area. As you may have heard, I’m testifying for real tomorrow, 8:00 in the morning. … Listen to this. I was called by the defense. I’m a defense witness. So, apparently they’ve never seen this program! … Give you an idea how long the trial had been going on — when they originally said I was going to be a witness, I was still a child star. … Actually, I’m kind of flattered by the whole thing you know? I’m thrilled that I’m being called to testify. You know what that means? Me being called to stand. Michael remembers me. He remembers me. … I’ve been work on my testimony for the last couple of weeks. I always wanted to do this, you know. When I get there tomorrow, I’ll get on the stand, point to the mother and go, ‘That’s the man, your honor, that’s the one who did it.’ I’ve always wanted to do that. ‘That’s the man, your honor!’ We should have a full report on the thing. … Well, I’m sure by now you’ve seen that photograph with Saddam Hussein in his underwear. You know the creepy part? That was also taken at Michael Jackson’s house.”

Michael Jackson’s Receipts Could Exonerate Him

May 23, 2005 – Roger Friedman of FoxNews.com reports that the “captors” of Janet Arvizo’s kids, whom Arvizo called “the killers” on the stand, not only bought them books, but paid to replace their lost schoolbooks as well. And they did this during what turned out to be the Arvizo family’s last week at Michael Jackson’s Neverland Valley Ranch in March 2003. Read more.

You Can Still Buy Wine On The Web

May 20, 2005 – Conan O’Brien joked during his Late Night monologue on Thursday night, “This week the Supreme Court upheld a rule that allows consumers to buy wine over the internet if you’re over 21. Yeah. But don’t worry. If you’re under 21, you can still get wine from Michael Jackson.”

Jay Leno Prepares To Testify In Michael Jackson Trial

May 20, 2005 – Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Thursday night, “In the Michael Jackson trial, a former Jackson security guard testified the accuser and his brother would get drunk in the wine cellar. Well, in their defense, if you knew you had to sleep with Michael Jackson, you’d get pretty loaded, too. … Well, next Tuesday I’ll be testifying in the Michael Jackson trial. I have to go up on Tuesday. I’m gonna go up in the morning. You know, I’m gonna call Michael Monday night. I just want to make sure we don’t wear the same outfit. Same arm band, same red jacket. … Actually, I’ve been getting ready for the testimony. Did I tell you about this? I’ve been practicing all week, drinking wine, looking at porno magazines, yeah, just to get ready. … In fact, yes, I testify on Tuesday. My mom is gonna testify on Wednesday that nothing happened.”

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