Jay Leno’s Wednesday Lindsay-logue

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Wednesday night, “It was hot today, wasn’t it? Man, I was sweating like the guy who sold Lindsay Lohan her car insurance. … As you know by now, Lindsay Lohan is in big trouble. We all like Lindsay, but this is a terrible situation. The other night, she was arrested for drunk driving. Here’s my question – wasn’t she supposed to be wearing some kind of electronic ankle bracelet that detects alcohol? I mean, what happened to that? Does it only work if you’re holding the drink with your foot? Is that it? … Well, according to police, Lindsay had been chasing another car at 1:30 in the morning in Santa Monica. That’s when she was caught. Here’s the real shocker – you mow who was driving the other car? Britney Spears’ kid. … Well, the other bad thing is she was also charged with possession of cocaine. But Lindsay said it was not her cocaine. But doesn’t everybody say that? When was the last time you heard, someone go, ‘Officer, excuse me. That’s my cocaine, please! I was just letting her hold it. Thank you.’ Hey, maybe the cocaine belonged to her assistant’s mother. That’s why she was chasing that other car. ‘You forgot your cocaine!’ Have you noticed how these stars always end up back in rehab? In fact, that’s why they call that rehab center in Malibu Promises. That’s their motto, ‘You’ll be back. We promise.’”