On a rerun of Last Call with Carson Daly on Monday night, comedian Kathy Griffin was on and made a few wisecracks about Mandy Moore and Mariah Carey. Griffin also shared a story about Christina Aguilera throwing a diva act after being humiliated into getting onto a shuttle bus with her and Jennifer Love Hewitt, and the sassy strut that ensued once she was convinced to board, and the nasty look she gave Griffin when she reminded Aguilera it was just a bus, not a runway. Read on for a transcript.
Carson: Yeah, yeah. So it really is. And is like 67 years old. All
right, enough of this crap. Our next guest is a comedienne/actress who’s
really, quite frankly, at a loss for words, especially when it comes to
all the ridiculousness going on in hollywood. She’s also the host of “average
joe,” right here on nbc. Say hi to our buddy, kathy griffin. Kathy?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Kathy: Nice to see you. Okay.
Carson: Brendan’s got his really cool camera. Nice, all right.
Kathy: All right, fine.
Carson: Do you know brendan fraser? Have you guys —
Kathy: You know what? I haven’t — I’ve never met you in person. But
I wanted to thank you, because brendan came to see me at the laugh factory,
where I perform on wednesdays in los angeles. And he and his lovely wife
sent me flowers the next day to say, like, thanks for the laughs. And that
was really sweet.
Kathy: Time out. I never made it.
Carson: You never what?
Kathy: I never made it.
Kathy: You didn’t come to the show?
Kathy: I signed the card.
Kathy: You [ Bleep ].
Kathy: I know.
Kathy: I can’t believe you.
[ Laughter ]
Kathy: Well, you got the flowers, didn’t you?
Kathy: Well, then who came?
Kathy: My wife and her girlfriends.
Kathy: But it didn’t say, “from brendan frasier’s wife.”
Kathy: Oh, sorry.
[ Laughter ]
Kathy: She came, like, three times, and she reenacted mariah carey getting
her face clawed off by her own cat for my pleasure.
Kathy: One of my hilarious bits.
Kathy: And rewind.
Carson: Well, isn’t that really — isn’t that accolade enough that brendan
fraser’s wife thinks you’re genius?
Kathy: It is true. But, well, thank you.
Carson: There, by default, he thinks you’re funny.
Kathy: You live in a world of lies.
[ Light laughter ]
Carson: I haven’t seen you — I don’t think we’ve really even —
Kathy: I haven’t seen you since new year’s, I think.
Carson: Yeah. You and I got stuck in the millennium new year’s on mtv,
working together. That was literally —
Kathy: There were a lot of exciting bomb threats and y2k and —
Carson: Well, yeah, it was y2k.
Kathy: People couldn’t get money out of their atms.
Carson: Right, and we were on the air at mtv for, like, ten hours. It
was like a marathon. It was like a jerry lewis marathon.
Kathy: But here’s the gig — so I get the offer. And this is the typical
d-list offer for me, ’cause you know I’m open about my status as a d-list
celebrity. You’re on the “A.” Put the drink down, talking.
[ Laughter ] Anyway, so, you know, so they call, and I’m really excited,
right? So they want me to co-host. And I see the list of people, and I’m
like, “wow.” And then they do those commercials. “Carson daly. Christina
aguilera. Mandy moore. Kathy griffin. Puff daddy.” And I’m like, “oh, I’m
totally in,” right? So then I get there, and I see that you — well, you’re,
you know, it’s your job. But I’m on the air with you for, like, eight hours.
Kathy: And P. Diddy’s there for 20 minutes. And christina aguilera does
one song. And then, you know, bush comes, gets drunk and goes home. So
[ Laughter ] I, of course, all I remember is, like, hour after hour.
And they would like — somebody would just leave. They’d be like, “go to
kathy.” And I’d be goin’, “carson, let’s go look at midnight in auckland,
Carson: Yeah. That was a big new year’S. You did quite well, though.
Kathy: It was on and on. And then everyone was getting drunk. Okay,
it was very, very fun. It was really exciting to be in times square and
stuff. Let me just say, mtv, god love them, they are so cheap. All right,
first of all, I get there, and I’m all dressed up. I remember I borrowed
this outfit from this designer, christina perrin, had to go back the next
day, right? So I get there, and if you recall, they had like — they were
making, like, a party atmosphere and giving the kids real booze.
Carson: It was a real party.
Kathy: Yeah, so they start to give them hardcore liquor at, like, 5:00
in the afternoon, because I’m sure it’s, you know, new year’s in auckland.
And so, “let’s go live to the republic of chad and see how they party,
Carson: Right, we were.
Kathy: I know. And so the kids were getting drunker. And I remember
at one point, a couple hours into it, lifting up — I had a long skirt
on, to avoid the splatters of the vomiting teens at mtv.
Carson: Oh, come on, it wasn’t that bad. You’re painting a little bit
more of —
Kathy: How would you know? You were drunk yourself.
Carson: No, I wasn’T.
Kathy: Yes, you were, ’cause I wanted —
Carson: I was a pro. No, I was working.
Kathy: I asked you what you were doing afterwards, and you and your
drunken friends were going to get more drunk.
Carson: No, no, no, I stayed sober that whole all night, especially
that one, because we had lots of business to do.
Kathy: What are you, in the mafia with your business to do?
Carson: Yeah, I don’t know. Well, no, it was a big night for us. I wasn’t
Kathy: Brendan: I was gonna say, I would’ve been taking pictures of
the puking people if I was there.
[ Laughter ]
Carson: It got a little crazy. So what, were you upset about the —
Kathy: And then, also, that’s when mandy moore was slutty. Remember?
‘Cause she was blonde. Remember the old slut?
Carson: Mandy moore was never slutty.
Kathy: Remember the old — I miss the old slutty mandy moore. I do.
Remember she had that song where she’s got the lollipop, “I’ll be loving
you like candy”? And she was like —
Carson: No, she was, like, 13 when she did that.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Kathy: Remember the old mandy moore? Okay. So the old mandy moore was
there. And then, oh, christina aguilera was there, who’s always cranky.
Now I know she’s a very good friend of yours. She’s a dear friend of the
daly family. Anyway, always cranky. I don’t know why. But anyway, she’s
like, “sometimes the girls on ‘friends’ are a little cranky.” Anyway, so
she’s there, right?
Carson: Right. Did you talk with her? Did you have an interaction with
Kathy: I always try to talk to her. And she’s never friendly to me at
all and kind of doesn’t have time for me. But I understand, I’m on the
“d” list. I know my place. But I remember this one time, I was doing this
other gig with her. And it was — I was hosting an awards show. And she
was going to rehearsal. And here’s another thing, will you at least admit
to me that christina aguilera, who I’ve seen at, you know, 9:00 in the
morning and 12:00 at night, all kinds of different stuff, she’s always
has the full-on makeup and outfit. Right?
Carson: I think that’s a fair assessment, sure.
Kathy: Yes, with the stripper lashes and the whole thing.
Carson: She’s sort of always on.
[ Laughter ]
Kathy: And I’ve seen her carry a stripper pole. No, but anyway —
[ Laughter ]
Carson: No, come on.
Kathy: But I never just see her, like, with jeans and a t-shirt. Okay,
so anyway, I see her at this one thing. And it was — I was doing this
gig at the mgm grand. And I was hosting, and she was performing. So, in
the morning, they had the rehearsals. And she goes to rehearsal in full
regalia, which I thought was kind of weird. So I’m standing there, and
then one of the other presenters was jennifer love hewitt, one of your
Carson: All right, where are we going with this?
[ Laughter ] We did a whole show on mtv about this whole thing. It was
Kathy: I know. I know. Okay, so anyway, so I’m standing there next to
jennifer love hewitt, who, you know, I like very much, except im uncomfortable
that she likes to be called “love,” because, you know, I like her, but
I don’t, like, love her. You know what I mean?
Carson: Right, get back to christina. Get back to christina.
Kathy: All right, anyway, sorry. But she’s a very nice girl. Okay, so
anyway, then we’re standing there, and they were taking us to rehearsal
in limos, which was silly, because the rehearsal was, like, a half a block
from where we were standing.
Kathy: But we’re very famous.
Carson: They were shuttling you there to make it easy.
Kathy: We had to go in limos. We can’t be — okay, so anyway, then they
ran out of limos, and they came, and they said, “is it okay if we put you
on, like, a little shuttle bus?” Right? So love hewitt and I are like,
“yeah, fine.” So we go sit down, and christina aguilera doesn’t want to.
So she’s got the whole posse, you know, all the gay dancers, the whole
[ Laughter ] So — so, anyway, we’re sitting there on the bus, kind
of waiting, and I’m talking to love hewitt. And then christina aguilera
finally has to, like, kind of condescend to get on the bus.
Kathy: Which is apparently very humiliating for her. But here’s the
kicker. So I’m sitting there, and she gets on the bus. And she goes like
this — all right, I’m gonna walk across, so make sure —
Carson: Brendan, are you following all of this?
Brendan: I’m on it, yeah.
Carson: All right.
[ Laughter ]
Kathy: Okay, so she gets off — this in 9:00 in the morning. This is
christina aguilera going to rehearsal, walking down the aisle of a bus.
Brendan: Work it, girl.
[ Laughter ]
Kathy: Like that, right? It’s the crazy, like —
Carson: Like she’s on the catwalk.
Kathy: Like that. Okay, so I’m —
Carson: Now what’s wrong with that?
Kathy: So I’m sitting there. I’m — come on. So, anyway, I’m sitting
there, and I decide to try to make love hewitt — so I go like this.
Brendan: Wait, you made love to —
Kathy: “Hey, christina?” I got to pass the time.
Kathy: No, so anyway, I’m trying to make her laugh. And christina walks
by, and go like this, “hey, christina? It’s a bus, honey.” Like that, thinking
Carson: Yeah, how does she react to that comment?
Kathy: All right, so jennifer love hewitt goes like this —
[ Giggling ]
[ Laughter ] And then christina does this thing like this. Okay, I’m
gonna do it again, and you be me. You ready?
Carson: All right.
Kathy: All right, you’re me, saying “it’s a bus, honey,” and I’m her.
Carson: “It’s a bus, honey.”
[ Laughter ] All right.
[ Cheers and applause ] Very funny.
Kathy: And now, whenever I see her, for some reason, she doesn’t talk
to me that much.
Carson: Do you ever — do you ever — have you ever had a moment with
her? Have you ever ran into her? Have you like —
Kathy: I just saw her at the gladd awards recently.
Carson: And did she —
Kathy: And she was this close.
Carson: And how does she react to you this close?
Kathy: She acts like I’m not there.
Carson: Does she say, “stop picking on me” or anything?
Kathy: No, it’s — I’m not — I’m a nonperson. I’m not even there.
Carson: Right, okay.
Kathy: But the worst is when I’m like, “hi, christina,” and she just
doesn’t even — just doesn’t hear it.
Carson: Wow. Oh, that’s okay. Well, I hope things work out for you two.
Kathy: But I’m a big fan of her music.
[ Laughter ]
Carson: That tag line makes it all right.
Kathy: It makes it all better.