Leno’s Thursday Jacko-logue

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Thursday night, “Scientists have observed dolphins foraging for food on the rocky sea floor off the Australian coast. It seems they figured out how to use sponges to protect their noses from damage. Isn’t that amazing? A dolphin is smart enough to protect his nose from being cut to pieces, yet Michael Jackson isn’t. … As you know, the Jackson jury only deliberated for half a day today, and left without reaching a decision. The jurors didn’t want to leave early, but a lot of them had to do publicity shots for their book deals, you know. … In fact, today, up there in Santa Maria, Michael Jackson went to a restaurant for lunch, ordered the tater tots. I think he told the waiter, ‘Hold the taters, just bring the tots.’ … And former child star, ‘Home Alone’ star, Macaulay Culkin, pleaded guilty yesterday to drug charges. Pleaded guilty. Yeah, kind of sad. Actually, ironic. If he went to prison, he could wind up in bed with Michael again. Oh, my God. … And as you know, Jesse Jackson has been Michael’s spiritual advisor throughout the trial. You know, Michael’s had a lot of these spiritual advisors. And none of them have really worked out. You know what they need up there at the Neverland Ranch? They need nuns with rulers patrolling the hallway. You know? (In irish accent) ‘Keep your hands off the little boy, now! Get your hands off the little boy, now!’ … Well, they say Michael’s broke. That’s the latest thing. In fact, he owes Tito a hundred bucks. That’s how bad it is.”