Leno’s Wednesday Night Jacko-logue

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Wednesday night, “Well, the big story, I’m sure you heard today, the los angeles police department announced they will no longer arrest famous people who break the law. What’s the point? Huh? … It’s amazing. I mean, they found michael jackson innocent. They found robert blake innocent. O.J. Simpson innocent. The big question now, is phil specter still famous enough to get that “get out of jail free” card. … They say, after the jury gave the verdict the other day, Michael Jackson openly wept. That’s what they said. He openly wept in court. Hey, you know, I think it’s refreshing to finally see a a popular male star not afraid to show his feminine side to the public. … And today, Michael Jackson thanked all of those close to him that made it happen. You know, the little people. He thanked them. … It’s kind of ironic when you think about. The only Jackson accused of committing a lewd act is Janet at the Super Bowl. The one we wanted to see. … I tell you, Michael’s family is glad this thing is finally over. Now, they all can go back to hating each other again. … They say Michael Jackson lost 15 pounds during the trial. 15 pounds. Today, Kirstie Alley went out and groped three kids. … Oh, how about the accuser’s mother? What a piece of work, this woman is. Oh, man. And you know, she still doesn’t get it. Did you hear about today? Today, she announced she found a finger in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. … And they’re reporting that Michael Jackson is $270 million in debt. That’s amazing. This announcement was made at the Thomas Mesereau Neverland Ranch. … Now, Michael is so broke now, when he brings boys up to his room — two-drink minimum. … It’s being reported that Michael is going to sign a a big deal to perform in Las Vegas, which would be perfect. The perfect town for Michael, Las Vegas. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. They encourage you to hit on 16. You can double down on 11. … Friends of Michael Jackson say that he can’t help himself. That’s what they’re saying. They’re saying he’ll go back to the same dysfunctional situation that’s caused all the trouble. No, I’m sorry, that’s not Michael. That’s Phil Jackson going to the Lakers. I’m sorry.”