Michael Jackson Child Loving Targeted By ‘SNL’ Cartoon

Michael Jackson

was roasted last night as Saturday Night Live featured the gloved one on a Robert Smigel cartoon skit focusing on his child molestation rumors for Saturday TV Fun House. To check out a transcript of the skit, read on.

Saturday TV Funhouse TV Funhouse

Michael Jackson’s always making lots of noise

Michael Jackson’s got a thing for little boys

bring your boys to Neverland and say good-bye

to adolescence young, male prepubescence

’cause we know Michael Jackson’s always hot for

>> Why did you guys wanna talk to me?

>> It’s real important, Michael.

>> Well, make it quick. I got a play date with the Harlem boys choir.

[ Laughter ]

>> We think you need help, Michael.

>> Why me, llama? I’m a happily married and divorced, normal man.

>> You haven’t touched a woman

>> Since your wedding photo.

>> Yeah, that ain’t normal.

>> I wouldn’t talk, Webster.

[ Marlon Brando mumbling ]

>> Webster — give — children — Neverland — $5 million settlement.

[ Mumbling ]

>> I’m not even gonna dignify that with an answer, Marlon Brando.

>> Face it, kid. You’re a perv.

I’m telling you, elephant man bones, I’m all cured. Now that I’m a star again, I’ve got this young boy thing licked. Right, Marilyn Monroe’s ashes?

>> Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the judge.

>> Don’t be a wise-corpse. I am over it. I’m over luscious, marshmallowy, young boys.

>> Okay, then, prove it.

>> I will, Liz Taylor’s arm.

>> Gosh. Liz Taylor’s still alive?

>> She better be. It was expensive.

>> I’ve got to admit, Michael. You’re doin’ real well.

>> He sure is.

>> Hey, little fella, not attracted to you. Hey, buddy, don’t want sex. Hi-ya, little guy, not gonna fondle you. Okay, fellas, are we ready to go?

[ Skipping ] — To go? — To go? — To go?

>> What’s wrong with this thing? [ Finds Out it’s a robot Jacko ]

>> Webster, how could you?

>> He promised me I could be an extra in the next video he makes.

[ Marlon Brando mumbling ]

>> Well, if that’s a fake Michael, where’s the real Michael?

>> Uh-oh.

>> Now, if my calculations are correct, with minimum wind resistance, and a sufficiently swift slice of this rope, in four seconds, I’ll be in pube-less heaven.

[ Laughter ] Cow-a-bung-ga!

[ Crash ]

>> Michael, what are you doing?

>> Don’t touch me, guys. This time, I really am cured.

Saturday TV funhouse TV fun house

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