Michael Jackson was roasted last night as Saturday Night Live featured the gloved one on a Robert Smigel cartoon skit focusing on his child molestation rumors for Saturday TV Fun House. To check out a transcript of the skit, read on.
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Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson’s always making lots of noise
Michael Jackson’s got a thing for little boys
bring your boys to Neverland and say good-bye
to adolescence young, male prepubescence
’cause we know Michael Jackson’s always hot for
>> Why did you guys wanna talk to me?
>> It’s real important, Michael.
>> Well, make it quick. I got a play date with the Harlem boys
choir.
[ Laughter ]
>> We think you need help, Michael.
>> Why me, llama? I’m a happily married and divorced, normal man.
>> You haven’t touched a woman
>> Since your wedding photo.
>> Yeah, that ain’t normal.
>> I wouldn’t talk, Webster.
[ Marlon Brando mumbling ]
>> Webster — give — children — Neverland — $5 million settlement.
[ Mumbling ]
>> I’m not even gonna dignify that with an answer, Marlon Brando.
>> Face it, kid. You’re a perv.
I’m telling you, elephant man bones, I’m all cured. Now that I’m a star
again, I’ve got this young boy thing licked. Right, Marilyn Monroe’s ashes?
>> Yeah, yeah. Tell it to the judge.
>> Don’t be a wise-corpse. I am over it. I’m over luscious, marshmallowy,
young boys.
>> Okay, then, prove it.
>> I will, Liz Taylor’s arm.
>> Gosh. Liz Taylor’s still alive?
>> She better be. It was expensive.
>> I’ve got to admit, Michael. You’re doin’ real well.
>> He sure is.
>> Hey, little fella, not attracted to you. Hey, buddy, don’t want sex.
Hi-ya, little guy, not gonna fondle you. Okay, fellas, are we ready to
go?
[ Skipping ] — To go? — To go? — To go?
>> What’s wrong with this thing? [ Finds Out it's a robot Jacko ]
>> Webster, how could you?
>> He promised me I could be an extra in the next video he makes.
[ Marlon Brando mumbling ]
>> Well, if that’s a fake Michael, where’s the real Michael?
>> Uh-oh.
>> Now, if my calculations are correct, with minimum wind resistance,
and a sufficiently swift slice of this rope, in four seconds, I’ll be in
pube-less heaven.
[ Laughter ] Cow-a-bung-ga!
[ Crash ]
>> Michael, what are you doing?
>> Don’t touch me, guys. This time, I really am cured.
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