Michael Jackson Could End Up In Prison With Charles Manson

Conan O’Brien joked during his Late Night monologue on Wednesday night, “The jury still deliberating in the trial. Everyone’s wondering what’s going to happen. Legal experts say if Michael Jackson is convicted, he could end up in the same prison — this is true — as Charles Manson. Yeah, and after hearing this, Manson said, ‘I hope not. That guy’s nuts.’ … It turns out, if Michael Jackson is convicted, he’ll go directly to jail and guards will take away his wig. And after hearing this, Sam Donaldson immediately paid all of his parking tickets.”

Jay Leno’s Wednesday Jacko-logue – Still No Verdict

June 9, 2005 – Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Wednesday night, “As you know, there is still no verdict in the trial. The trial couldn’t have come at a worse time for Michael ’cause school is out for the summer. This is his busy season. … And Lisa Marie Presley said in interviews this week that she and Michael Jackson did consummate the marriage, but the sex wasn’t that great. Apparently, that guy holding the umbrella over them was a a real turn off. … According to MTV News, if Michael Jackson does have to go to jail, he will be forced to cut his hair. He’ll have to cut his hair. Of course, they will still allow him to wear make-up. You can do that in prison. You can have short hair and make-up. You know, like Ryan Seacrest. … Let me tell you, see, this is a a very tough case because I think Michael is both guilty and not guilty. You know what I mean? It’s like everything else in his life, you know? He’s black, he’s white. He’s a guy, he’s a girl. He’s a human, he’s an alien. … Well, the latest word is that Michael Jackson is broke. Have you heard that? Yeah. In fact, he’s so broke, the nose he’s wearing now is the one that comes with the glasses.”

Michael Jackson’s Money Woes Worsen As Custody Battle Looms

June 8, 2005 – Roger Friedman of FoxNews.com reports that Michael Jackson’s financial troubles are becoming more serious and Alabama grocery-chain owner Gregory Calhoun is apparently in Santa Maria to help the singer and the family sort out the financial mess. Meanwhile, if found guilty on child molestation charges, Friedman says Jackson has not made any provisions for his three children should he be carted off to jail. Read more.

Jay Leno’s Tuesday Jacko-logue

June 8, 2005 – Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Tuesday night, “Well, there’s no verdict yet in the trial. That’s a switch, huh? Someone keeping Michael dangling. … Well, as you know, Michael went to the emergency room yesterday, had to go to the emergency room with back problems. Back problems. He hasn’t learned, you fondle with your legs, not your back. … Well, and of course, you know, kids are heavier now. All these factors — all these factors play an issue, yes. Have you seen Michael? Not looking good. He does not look good. He’s gone from eggshell white to bone white. … And legal experts say this is really a tough decision for the jury because this is what, the third day of deliberations. There’s a ton of evidence against Michael and, of course, the mother’s character has also been called into question. She’s a piece of work, too. You know, I’ve got an idea, can’t we put Michael and his mother in the cell together? Pretty much call it even. … But here’s something interesting. Michael Jackson’s father said today if Michael is found guilty, Tito will do the time. … You know, a lot of people are saying that Michael Jackson will not be able to cope with life in prison. I don’t know. I don’t think so. Look, he lives in a a high security compound now, right? He doesn’t go anywhere. He doesn’t like being in the sun. He doesn’t like sleeping with females and he enjoys taking showers with young men. He’ll fit right in.”

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