More Problems For Lindsay Lohan

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Tuesday night, “Hey, big protest going on here in California. You might have seen this on the news. Very upset that young Hollywood actresses are being given drivers licenses. Did you hear about this? … More problems for Lindsay Lohan. It seems her movie did not do very well this past weekend. Yeah, not good at all. In fact, more people last week saw her in their rear-view mirror than saw the movie. … No, it did bad. In fact, they now say that’s why Lindsay was driving around so crazy. She was actually trying to force other drivers into the theater where her film was playing.”

Lindsay’s New Film Rakes In Paltry $3.4 Million In Opening Week

Lindsay Lohan’s poorly reviewed new film ‘I Know Who Killed Me’ opened at #9 with an estimated $3.4 million in theater receipts, well behind ‘The Simpsons Movie’, which grossed an estimated $72.9 million to debut atop the box office.

Automatically Blaming The Black Guy

Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Friday night, “Well, we’re learning more and more about the night was arrested. It seem the SUV she was driving was not hers. Have you heard about this? In fact, three men in the SUV say Lindsay commandeered the car and took them hostage. Then when – then when she was stopped, she told the police, ‘No, no, it was the black kid that was driving’. I believe they were charged with a code 17 violation. Which is ‘automatically blaming the black guy.’ That’s the thing. ‘Uh, the black guy did it, your honor!’ … Do you think that’s true? You know, let me tell you, if a a black guy was driving through L.A. In an SUV, police would have stopped him at least five times before he got to Santa Monica. Okay? Welcome to the real world. … Well, a lot of people are now starting to question the job that they did at this Promises rehab center. In fact, there’s talk they could lose their liquor license. You know? … And these Malibu rehab centers, you know, they really do cater to the rich and famous. Do you know they have valet parkers who will actually crash your car for you? Do you know that? … But I think I figured out what Lindsay Lohan’s problem is. She wants to be an astronaut.”

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