Poll Shows Americans Already Miss Michael Jackson Trial

According to the satirical website The Borowitz Report, one day after singer Michael Jackson was found not guilty in his child molestation trial, a new poll shows that a majority of Americans already miss the Jackson trial and feel a gaping hole in their lives without it. According to the survey, which has a margin of error of plus or minus five percentage points, eighty-three percent agreed with the statement, “Now that the Jackson trial is over I have no reason to wake up in the morning.”