Simon Cowell ‘Humbled’ By Triumph The Insult Comic Dog

American Idol judge Simon Cowell was put in his place by Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on Late Night with Conan O’Brien on Wednesday. Triumph suggested he sue Supercuts for his ’80s hairstyle and suggested the show is so much about him, they should rename ‘American Idol’ to ‘British Homo’. After the verbal assault, Simon could only say, ‘I feel humbled.’ Read on for a transcript.

Triumph: I’m ready for you, bitch! Talk about wasting my life watching that — no, no, it was great. It was great. It was a fascinating interview. I’ve always wondered what it would be like if we blow-dried the “Weakest Link” chick and cut off her nuts.

Triumph: [ Laughter ] Seriously, seriously, man. What’s with the ’80s hair?

Triumph: [ Laughter ] Look at that thing. Look at that. What’s with the ’80s hairstyle, man? Look at this. You look like Denny Terrio shtupped a chow-chow. [ Laughter ] Get a lawyer and sue Supercuts.

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ] Got a few more here.

[ Laughter ] All right. No, seriously, who the hell do you think you are?

[ Laughter ]

[ Bleep ]

[ Laughter ] Listen to me. You’re telling — see, I don’t understand the logic. Let me fix my arm here.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: He has trouble with his arm sometimes.

Triumph: Seriously, what’s the logic here? You go on, and you tell people that they have no talent? That’s like poop telling vomit it stinks. [ Laughter] [ Applause ] I kid. I kid. You’re a big star. You’re a big star. You’re like the star of “American Idol.” Seriously. They should rename it “British Homo.”

[ Laughter ]

[ Audience oohs ]

Triumph: [ Applause ] He’s a tough guy. No, he’s good. He’s good. He’s fine. Don’t worry about him. He can handle it. He gives it to people straight and hard. [ Laughter ] I guess — I guess I don’t need a punch line for that one.

Triumph: [ Laughter ] Go back to England, bitch!

Conan: Oh, he’s too far. He goes too far.

[ Cheers and applause ] It shouldn’t happen to anyone.

[ Laughter ]

Simon: I feel humbled.

50 Year Old To Sue ‘American Idol’

January 22, 2003 – Jay Leno joked during his Tonight Show monologue on Tuesday, “A 50-year-old Florida man is suing the producers of the show ‘American Idol’. They told him he was too old to be a contestant. 50 years old and he’s suing. You hate to see John Tesh come to this.”

American Idol Wins Last Night’s Ratings War

January 22, 2003 – According to The Drudge Report, the season opener of ‘American Idol 2’ was the highest rated show last night, getting a 17.0 rating/24 share in Nielsen overnights.

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2 thoughts on “Simon Cowell ‘Humbled’ By Triumph The Insult Comic Dog

  1. pl says:

    Sounds like a very interesting interview…. for me to poop on! I love the Triumph interviews especially the Star Wars and Michael Jackson Trial ones. They’re effing hilarious.

  2. plo says:

    Triumph is the best. Of course Simon has to be harsh since there are so many losers and waste of time people on his show.

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