John Mayer Masturbates His Way Out Of Problems

A shirtless John Mayer graces the cover of Rolling Stone’s new issue, where the 32-year-old discusses how his life has been helped by masturbating.

I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.

A preview and watch behind the scenes footage from the photo shoot at rollingstone.com has since been removed/relocated.

John Mayer Performs ‘The Heart Of Life’ On ‘Larry King Live’

January 20, 2010 – John Mayer performed at the Hammersmith Apollo in London, England on Monday (January 18). The singer songwriter’s performance of ‘The Heart of Life’ aired during the ‘Larry King Live’ 2-hour special raising earthquake relief funds for Haiti. Watch it below the cut. (more…)

John Mayer’s Defense Of James Cameron Over Autograph Reseller Spat

John Mayer is offering insight on a video on TMZ.com that featured ‘Avatar’ director James Cameron involved in a verbal scuffle with an autograph reseller confronted him for a signature at LAX. The singer songwriter explained on his tumblr.com blog:

While I can’t speak to what happened before the segment of video on TMZ, I can tell you that the man in the tiny hat with the ‘Avatar’ poster had probably engaged with Cameron from at least 50 paces before the automatic doors. That’s how it goes down; they walk alongside you. They bark requests at you, trying to get your pulse to quicken. If you give in and sign, the guy with the poster gets to sell it and make a few bucks. If you don’t give in, as it gets harder to acquiesce with each successive yelp, then the stench of cash really starts to waft in as Video Camera Guy gets the goods while you explain in no uncertain terms to Obnoxious E-bay Poster Guy that he’s not going to get what he’s asking for tonight.

John Mayer: The 2000s Were The Dumbest Decade In Recorded History

December 20, 2009 – John Mayer shared his thoughts on the decade as it prepares to come to a close to his Twitter followers (@johncmayer) earlier today, unimpressed with the past 10 years. The singer songwriter tells readers:

Let me be the first to say it: the 2000s was the dumbest decade in recorded history.

You may not appreciate it now, but in the next 2-4 years the true dumbness of the decade will age like a fine, insipid wine.

Dumb: “It’s like a car crash, you can’t look away,” a crude attempt at justifying having terrible tastes in entertainment.

Dumb: “Epic fail,” a phrase used to make fun of someone’s failed attempts, written by people living in their parents’ basements.

I’ll buy that for a dollar! RT @shyunatown agrrreed ; 2000’s was an era where people didn’t know what do with themselves

Dumb: “Just Saying.” A phrase meant to divorce one’s self from responsibility for having a cheap laugh at someone’s expense.

“Hot mess,” “train wreck,” cutesy combined celebrity couple names, “TMI,” Feigned shock, Sentences that begin with “bitch.”

Dumb: “I’ll give you that,” used to reluctantly agree with someone by making it sound as if it’s at the user’s great expense.

2010s: being safe and happy, learning, showing grace to others while tending to our own betterment, and enjoying life. FIN. XO.

John Mayer Walks Out Of ‘Avatar’ Buzzed On Margaritas

Singer John Mayer

John Mayer is offering moviegoing advice for his Twitter followers (@johncmayer) after attending a screening of the new big budget 3D film ‘Avatar’. The singer songwriter tells readers:

Most compelling part of Avatar? The man next to me at the urinal who pulled his pants and boxers down to his knees. Alien indeed.

You heard it here, folks: it’s possible to be both an intelligent, culturally literate member of society AND walk out on Avatar.

What I meant to say about Avatar is don’t go see it if you’re buzzed on margaritas the size of a goldfish bowl.

I will take a crack at Avatar again, this time with good old fashioned peyote.

John Mayer Reacts To Tiger Woods Losing Accenture Endorsement Deal

John Mayer was spotted arriving in Los Angeles with a female friend on Sunday (December 13). Pictures from bauergriffinonline.com have since been removed.

The singer songwriter took to his Twitter (@johncmayer) that day to weigh in on the news Tiger Woods had lost an endorsement deal with consulting and outsourcing firm Accenture in reaction to his marital infidelity. He writes:

Accenture just dropped Tiger. Apparently he was no longer a good fit with that company that nobody knows what the hell they do.

Dear Accenture, I would love to endorse your space shuttle parts. Or is it your sentient war machines? Tic Tac Toe scoreboards?

Do they make assgaskets? Motorized fake beard racks? Big pants for little people? Do they make dollhouse panic rooms?

Happy Thanksgiving Twitter Messages

Nick, Kevin and Joe Jonas of the sibling pop trio Jonas Brothers, among the stars wishing fans a happy Thanksgiving on TwitterSeveral artists are sending out their happy Thanksgiving wishes to their followers on Twitter today. Among them:

Colbie Caillat (@ColbieCaillat): Happy Thanks Giving everyone!

Brooke Hogan: Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!! You guys are so sweet, I have SO much to be thankful for. Sending all my love to you guys

Boomkat (@BOOMKATMUSIC): Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!

Steve Rushton (@rushtonaiter): Happy thanks giving every one!

Jessie James (@iamjessiejames): Happy thanksgiving!

Mat Kearney (@matkearney): Happy Thanksgiving! I cant tell you thank you enough for listening and being apart of what I love to do.

Katelyn Tarver wishes everyone a Happy ThanksgivingKatelyn Tarver (@katelyntarver): happy thanksgiving people!! thankful for many, many things today..

John Mayer (@johncmayer): Happy Thanksgiving all. Special tip of the hat to our troops who can’t be home this year… we’re all thinking of you today!

78violet (@78violet): Happy Thanksgiving everyone:) we r so thankful for ur support and love. We can’t tell u enough how much it means to us. Xoxo 78violet

Rob Thomas (@ThisIsRobThomas): have a great thanksgiving, fellow twits!! gobble gobble.

Lucie Silvas (@LucieSilvas): Happy Thanksgiving! About to gatecrash another family’s one! I miss everyone at home so much. I am thankful for chances and good friends x

Lolene (@Lolene): Happy Thanks giving all my American friends x be beautiful be blessed x

Sandi Thom (@Sandi_Thom): My guitarist Randy is from sweet hom Chicago so were celebrating Thanksgiving tonight in Cambridge, happy thanksgiving y’all!

Emily Osment offers a cheer for turkey on ThanksgivingEmily Osment (@EmilyOsment): Happy Thanksgiving! Yay turkey! Yay stuffing! Yay little cousins dog-piling on top of me right now! #iamthankfulfor others :)

Esmee Denters (@esmeeworld): Happy Thanksgiving everybody! Big Kiss Esmée (let me know what you are doing today)

Brian Littrell (@brian_littrell): I wanna tell everyone all around the world. Happy Thanksgiving. We are thankful for all of you. Happy ChirpGiving!!!

Jonas Brothers (@Jonasbrothers): We’d like to wish all of our fans a very Happy Thanksgiving – JB

Mpho (@mphosays): I’m jealous…Americans get to do Christmas 2ice with Thanks Giving, can’t we join in??? Happy Holidays!! hope your THANKFULL 4 what u have.

John Mayer Announces ‘Battle Studies’ Winter Tour Dates

John Mayer will kick off a North American tour in support of his upcoming release, ‘Battle Studies’, beginning February 8th in Charleston, South Carolina, and will feature supporting acts Michael Franti and Spearhead. Tickets for the majority of dates are planned to go on sale to the general public on November 21st, with an American Express card member pre-sale window from November 16-20.

The tour dates are as follows:
2/8 Charleston, SC North Charleston Coliseum
2/9 Birmingham, AL BJCC Arena
2/10 Nashville, TN Sommet Center
2/12 Auburn Hills , MI The Palace of Auburn Hills
2/13 Toronto, ON Air Canada Centre
2/16 Ottawa, ON Scotiabank Place
2/17 Montreal, QC Bell Centre
2/19 Uncasville, CT Mohegan Sun
2/20 Washington, DC Verizon Center
2/21 Philadelphia, PA Wachovia Center
2/24 Boston, MA TD Garden
2/25 New York, NY Madison Square Garden
2/28 Grand Rapids, MI Van Andel Arena
3/1 Milwaukee, WI Bradley Center
3/2 St. Paul, MN Xcel Energy Center
3/4 Omaha, NE Qwest Center
3/5 Oklahoma City, OK Ford Center
3/6 Houston, TX Toyota Center
3/8 Austin, TX Frank Erwin Center
3/9 Dallas, TX American Airlines Center
3/10 New Orleans, LA New Orleans Arena
3/12 Columbus, OH Nationwide Arena
3/13 Louisville, KY Freedom Hall
3/15 Greensboro, NC Greensboro Coliseum Complex
3/16 Charlottesville, VA John Paul Jones Arena
3/17 Atlanta, GA Philips Arena
3/19 Memphis, TN Fed Ex Forum
3/20 St Louis, MO Scottrade Center
3/22 Kansas City, MO Sprint Center
3/23 Denver, CO Pepsi Center
3/25 Los Angeles, CA Staples Center
3/26 San Jose, CA HP Pavilion
3/30 Portland, OR Rose Garden
3/31 Seattle, WA KeyArena
4/1 Vancouver, BC General Motors Place
4/3 Calgary, AB Pengrowth Saddledome
4/4 Edmonton, AB Rexall Place
4/6 Saskatoon, SK Credit Union Centre
4/7 Winnipeg, MB MTS Centre
4/8 Fargo, ND FargoDome
4/10 Chicago, IL United Center

John Mayer Gets A Haircut

October 15, 2009 – John Mayer was photographed after getting a haircut in the Meatpacking District on Tuesday (October 13) in New York City. Check out pictures from socialitelife.com. The singer songwriter, normally residing on the opposite coast, told his Twitter followers (@johncmayer):

Perfect LA bedtime! Except I’m in New York. Whatever. You know how I get away with it? Complain about my newborn. People understand.

John Mayer Annoyed By Web Site Page View Generators

John Mayer was spotted leaving club Butter in New York City on Monday (October 12). The singer songwriter spent the day on his Twitter (@johncmayer), explaining how web sites make money, writing:

Quick dissertation on the anatomy of “hate” in our decade: web sites get paid by advertisers based on how many site visits they get…

…how do you get as many clicks as possible? Shock them into clicking. Caps, exclamation points, anything hyper-sensitive.

then, keep them coming back by way of letting them comment. Someone who posts will check the site for replies: more clicks, more money.

Also, ask them their opinion and let them “vote.” That always works. Why? Click on a poll, get transported to another page. Another click!

Hopefully, you’re fighting, clicking, refreshing, gasping, clicking, hating, fighting, clicking… and they’re taking home the ad money.

This would be just fine if it weren’t for the hordes of people who don’t get the fact that it’s all dollar-generated.

True hate’s not really happening… I promise you. Consider it “The Hate-rix.”

Huffington Post is the white MediaTakeOut. (okay. I’m done.)

Note: The image provided by Bauer Griffin has since been removed.

John Mayer ‘Who Says’ Video

John Mayer 'Who Says' single cover

October 14, 2009 – John Mayer is out with the music video to his new single ‘Who Says’, the lead release from the American singer songwriter’s fourth studio album ‘Battle Studies’, released November 17th via Columbia Records. Watch the Anthony Mandler directed video below.

Reminder From John Mayer: The War Is Still Happening

September 8, 2009 – John Mayer checked in with his Twitter followers (@johncmayer) on Tuesday (September 8), talking about a communication he had with a friend in the military, presumably in Afghanistan, and how the media hasn’t devoted much attention to the war. The singer songwriter tells readers:

A friend of mine who is a Marine captain texted me last night after an IED went off at his base. Marines were killed…

Just want to remind you the war is still happening. That is all.

He wrote “Nobody cares, I took down a heroin processing plant 2 days ago, nothing! I hear more about you on the news” – now you know.

Pop Stars React To Death Of DJ AM

Several pop stars are reacting on Twitter to the death of DJ AM, whose real name is Adam Goldstein, after his body was found in an apartment on Lafayette Street. Sources tell the New York Post that drug paraphernalia was found in the apartment and authorities are investigating whether it was a drug overdose that took the 36-year-old’s life. Among the tweets:

JoJo (@JoJoistheway): I CANNOT BELIEVE that DJ AM passed away. I just saw him the other night spinning in LA! My prayers go out to his family and friends. :(

Sia Furler (@siamusic): My thoughts go out to DJ AM’s friends and family. He seemed nice.

Melody Thornton is sad to learn about DJ AM being dead.Melody Thornton of Pussycat Dolls (@MelodyThornton): My Heart goes out to the Family and friends of DJ AM. This is a very sad day. This is absolutely devastating. The last time I saw A.M. was at a Jayz concert this 4th of July then at Rain in vegas, he was always the same person such a nice guy. R.I.P

John Mayer (@johncmayer): In complete shock. I really want to use words right now but I can’t get em. Fu**. We’re supposed to lose our friends to time, at an age when we’re ready to agree to the terms of having lived a long life. Not now.

Taryn Manning of Boomkat (@TarynManning): Rest in Peace DJ AM…u will be very missed…:( :( :( Everybody time to wake up!!! Hugs not Drugs!!!

Lindsay Lohan (@sevinnyne6126): Nononononono what????? I can’t believe this.. I’m in shock. Why? Why? R.I.P. Adam. Last weekend and this week have definitely left some unforgettable scars.

Aria of Paradiso Girls (@Ariacrescendo): Ok so DJ AM He survived a plane crash and day of a drog overdose… haw many people have to day of drogs for everyone to understand that DROGS KILL YOU. I don’t understand whay people don’t realize haw precios your body is …. They thynk they can treat it badly and they gonna be fine…. RONG

Jordin Sparks offers prayers for the family of DJ AM after learning he had diedJordin Sparks (@TheRealJordin): R.I.P DJ AM. My prayers go out to his family. Please keep them in your thoughts.

Katy Perry (@katyperry): Rest in peace friend.

Michelle Branch (@michellebranch): R.I.P. DJ AM. So sad.

Marie Digby (@mariedigby): Wait a second… I didn’t even know about this.. DJ AM? Is it true? How unbelievably sad…

Demi Lovato (@ddlovato): R.I.P. DJ AM…. So sad… :( praying for his loved ones..

Jess Origliasso of The Veronicas (@Jessicaveronica): RIP Dj AM. How very very sad <3Ricky Martin (@ricky_martin): D.J. AM rest in peace. be an angel of light.Drew Seeley (@drewseeley): Prayers and thoughts going out today DJ AM's friends and family. So sad.Jewel (@jeweljk): gosh-sorry 2 hear about DJ AM. hate 2 hear about any1 who suffers alone w drugs or demons- we are never alone-reach out to your loved ones & hug emJoanna Pacitti (@JPacittiMusic): WOW... stunned. R.I.P @DJ_AMParis Hilton reacts to the death of DJ AMParis Hilton (@parishilton): I am in shock and disbelief, please someone tell me this isn’t true. I’m praying this is just another rumor. Adam and I were friends since I was 15. He had a heart of gold and was one of the kindest, funniest and most talented men I have ever met. It’s so hard to accept that I’m not going to be able to see him or talk to him again. There are no right words for this, I feel so sad. :( R.I.P. AM, I love you and you are already missed so much. My heart and prayers go out to his family and close friends. God bless. :( Why does it take a minute to say hello and forever to say goodbye? :(

Pink (@Pink): 2nd time I’ve woken up in this hotel room in Oz to find another has passed away back home. Very sad. Humbled and remembering to luv while I can

John Mayer Challenges TMZ To Produce His Mug Shot… They Succeed

John Mayer issued a challenge to TMZ’s Harvey Levin to produce his mugshot, offering $25,000 to charity of Harvey’s choice if they could, and the celebrity web site succeeded in finding the picture taken for a 2001 arrest for driving with a suspended license in Atlanta, Georgia. The singer songwriter told his Twitter followers (@johncmayer):

I was arrested for the same offense as Patrick Stump. (FTA). It’s the lamest answer to the question “why you in here?”

Challenge: if Harvey Levin at TMZ can produce my mugshot, I will donate 25k to the charity of his choice.

Tremendous reply. RT @frenchs Wait, didn’t you get arrested for attempting to solicit a Canine police officer?

@HarveyLevinTMZ Hint: in the first half of the naughts, in the home of the Brave.

Well done, TMZ. But the real winners today are the puppies. Proof of payment on the way…

per @harveylevintmz, 25k to be split between two charities: Pet Orphans (petorphansfund.org/) and Ace of Hearts (acesangels.org).

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