John Mayer live tweeted coverage of E!’s ‘Chelsea Lately’ on Monday night, taking several shots at host Chelsea Handler who has been giving the singer songwriter a rough time. Among Mayer’s Twitter posts (@johncmayer):

east coast people who have already seen the telecast, please don’t give away any of her biting satire. I want to not laugh.

What color is her hair? It’s not dirty blond. Filthy blond?

This show is so unfunny it just stripped jokes off of other funny things.

So far this show has come through with its promise of lots of exclamation points but zero E.

I think I just heard Chelsea’s chair yawn.

I kid, I kid. We’re just having fun. She has a great crowd tonight. It’s called “laughter.mp3″

That was fun. Chelsea bashes me all the time, can’t I bash her one night on my Twitter? Yes. (The answer is yes.)

Chelsea Handler took a shot at John Mayer when Jennifer Aniston was in the audience at the Women in Film Crystal and Lucy Awards (watch it via ‘Extra’ below), and now Mayer is wondering on his Twitter (@johncmayer) why he’s the subject of the talk show host’s hostility. The singer songwriter tells followers:

I’m trying to figure out why Chelsea Handler has such seething hatred for me. I must remind her of someone she knows and doesn’t like.

She once told me it was cocky of me to try my hand at comedy. Like I’m supposed to begin every joke with “here’s one that might not work…”

“Now, I’m just a musician and comedy is not my forte, so bear with me, but true story, I got into a cab today…”

If Chelsea Handler wanted to dabble in singing and playing guitar, I’d give her props for it. (I do talk too much though.)

John Mayer checked in with fans on his Twitter (@johncmayer) on Thursday (July 30), talking about the difficulties of songwriting being a popular public figure. Mayer writes:

I find it hard to write lyrics like I used to. This is not because people know so much about me, but because of what they think they know.

So I find myself trying to guess what they think they know and then trying to steer clear of it and find another way to explain myself.

The whole thing gets very tiresome and has led me to say “fu** it” and write exactly like I used to.

John Mayer is claiming he’ll be slowing down on Twitter (@johncmayer) posts after having troubles coming up with thoughts for lyrics beyond the 140 character limit. The singer songwriter tells followers:

Suffering cerebral atrophy. Since I’ve been communicating in short pulses, I’ve been writing lyrics the same way.

The single-serve idea is killing my writing. Laying off a little in the coming weeks. Need books, thoughts, a sequence of ideas that build.

John Mayer checked in with fans on his Twitter (@johncmayer) earlier this morning, talking about anti-anxiety medication. The singer songwriter tells readers:

If you look at the staggering number of prescriptions written for anti-anxiety medication, you come to one of two conclusions. Either the level of anxiety in Americans is rising at an alarming rate, or the expectation for constant control of our consciousness is.

Point is, it’s hard to be emotionally placid all the time. Consciousness is a giant pain in the ass. It’s not a pony ride. This whole new expectation of endless bliss is so far off the mark. It’s lazy.

Whatever happened to coping? Standing in one’s self and asking truly “how do we get through this?” Separating real problems from ghosts.

Xanax. .05. Have em. Keep them on hand to plug the “what if?” loophole. But I just end up losing them in the washing machine.

Think about this: every animal lives under some other animal in the food chain. Except humans. Uncomfortable, so we made a bigger animal.

Clarification: many people do benefit greatly from meds. Just something crazy about the overall distribution. This means you, emo bands.

Wait, I have them too. I just took a giant dump all over my 12-tweet point. Nevermind. I need a Xanax now. ‘night!!

Before documenting his trip to In-N-Out Burger, John Mayer discussed his dream about the late Michael Jackson on Twitter (@johncmayer) earlier today. The singer songwriter, who did an instrumental performance of ‘Human Nature’ at the King Of Pop’s memorial on Tuesday, writes:

I had a dream last night that young MJ was singing “Never Can Say Goodbye” in front of me. When I remembered the dream I had an insta-cry.

I swear, dreams dictate the emotional direction of my day on such a primal level.