Unemployment Plunges After Jennifer Lopez Rehires Posse

According to the latest column on the satirical web site The Borowitz Report, “The bust-up of Hollywood couple Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck has had a positive effect on the U.S. economy, the Labor Department reported today, as Ms. Lopez immediately rehired the bloated entourage that Mr. Affleck had earlier insisted she fire. In the course of rehiring her extensive posse of yes-men, sycophants and hangers-on, Ms. Lopez created as many as one hundred thousand new jobs, believed to be a new one-day record, the Labor Department said.”