4-5 years ago, a product was designed in a boardroom. This product was a young, beautiful, squeaky clean teenager, who would sing and prance around like a twelve year old, targeting a specific group of young girls. She would be carefully scripted and choreographed, and would lie through her sugary sweet smile to help build the perfect image. She would have no opinion – only what the record execs decided for her. Her face would be plastered over every form of advertising in the world, forcing her on everyone, a form of brainwashing. The songs were written, the tracks laid down, and then the search began for a mediocre singer and dancer. Ladies and gentleman, this product was Britney Spears.
She burst onto the music scene with an album full of carefully chosen songs, all hollow with a catchy chorus, capturing the target audience of 13 year old girls. Britney pranced around in her skimpy outfits and lip-synced her way to the top, purring about saving herself for marriage. Once she had an army of young fans and had been milked for every dollar, she was rushed back into the studio, to record a carbon copy of her first successful album. If it’s not broken, don’t fix it, right?
Out came the second album with surprisingly even babier songs, as Britney tried to repeat her success all over again. Sadly, her legion of 12 year old girls had begun to see through the charade, and sales were no where near the first album. Realizing that they couldn’t portray Britney as the teasing 16 year old any longer, the product was thrown back in the boardroom for some editing.
In a carefully scripted career move, Britney ‘grew up’ in front of the entire world. With pathetically obvious songs like ‘Overprotected’ and ‘Not a Girl’, Britney crooned her way into adulthood, trying desperately to hang onto her once blossoming career. Once again, Britney could not repeat her success.
The record company then decided it was time for Britney to have a ‘hiatus’, and buy them time to plot her next career move. Britney was then thrown into the publicity rounds, making controversy after controversy, trying to stay in the papers.
Now, as the product sails downhill, it tries to make a comeback. Kissing Madonna at the MTV awards, the biggest publicity stunt in the world, paved the way for Britney’s desperate next single, featuring the aging wreck. ‘Me Against The Music’, the new ‘song’ with Madonna, proves frightfully unoriginal with two women who are, clearly, not singers. In a world where music artistry seems meaningless, Britney Spears prepares to unleash her fourth album. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you, Britney Spears, the biggest puppet in the world.