Contributed by honeyrain:
This is HoneyRain for BIMBO Magazine.
HoneyRain: Good evening Britney.
Britney Spears: *Hack* *Grr* *Cough* * HAAACCK* Hi.
HoneyRain: Eww. Those cigarettes are really changing your voice.
Britney Spears: *squeals* Oh yes I know, now I sound like, WAY better than I used to! Now I can sing in two octaves instead of one, like– woah *huge grin* You know that gurgling sound I make every time I open my mouth? Yep, that’s the cigarettes, hee hee hee!! *makes stupid goofy face*
HoneyRain: I’m happy for you. *Roll eyes* Anyway, you just had a 6 month break, what did you do during that time?
Britney Spears: Well as you and the whole world knows, I had just gotten my infested @ss dumped because I’m an unfaithful tramp. *makes stupid goofy face*
HoneyRain: Yes we all know that you’re an unfaithful tramp.
Britney Spears: And I don’t know what happen to me. I– I– *zones out* And I don’t know what happen to me. I’m just so lost without Justin. *makes stupid goofy face*
HoneyRain: You must have felt so alone.
Britney Spears: I was! I mean, no one to tie my shoes or wipe my nose and @ss or give me that little glass of water with my diet pills–GOD i miss that man! *makes extremely ugly face and breaks down to tears* Can we stop this please?
*Ten minuted break. Britney studies her script*
HoneyRain: Okay, so what did you do?
Britney Spears: *perks up* I discovered, like several really cute guys who were like, REALLY into my mind! *makes stupid goofy face*
HoneyRain: Colin Farrel.
Britney Spears: Oh Yes we had something really special. I know he’s a playboy and all but i made sure he knew that I am a classy girl and I’m not having any sex until I’m married. *makes stupid goofy face*
HoneyRain: Uh Britney? Didn’t you recently confess that you did not wait and had sexual relations with Justin Timberlake?
Britney Spears: *Pauses* Huh? Oh S**t. *laughs girlishly* Guess all my lil white lies are catching up with me, hee hee hee. *makes stupid goofy face*
HoneyRain: Maybe you should work on that. Okay now back to Colin.
Britney Spears: Oh yes It’s really simple–i met him for the first time, we went out. I wasn’t really in a sexual mood, but then i saw this camera, right, so being the media bitch that i am, I kissed him! But no tongue. I only do that with Madonna. *makes stupid goofy face*
HoneyRain: *thinks (idiot)* Sounds romantic. Was it just as romantic with Fred Durst?
Britney Spears: Oh no. We straight to the bedroom. But you know, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m gonna have to stop screwing all these guys ’cause they all tell on me you know! Don’t they know that i have an image to protect–that I have millions of 8 year olds who think I’m perfect? I can’t risk being myself! *makes STUPID goofy face*
HoneyRain: I understand. I sure as hell would be embarrassed if I were anything like you.
Britney Spears: YES! You understand! So now instead of hooking up with all those guys, I just play with MYSELF! *sighs* Masturbation is so sacred. Ah. so sacred.
HoneyRain: *puzzled* So you have a new record to promote, how’s it going?
Britney Spears: Great. just great. You know this album is really about my self-discovery. *makes stupid goofy face*
HoneyRain: Um. wasn’t that what your last album was suppose to be about?
Britney Spears: Yes, but I was just almost a woman then. Now I’m a woman and I can touch myself. *makes stupid goofy face*
HoneyRain: Sounds like your album is gonna be really personal and mature, the complete opposite of what you’ve been in the past. So what are the songs mostly about?
Britney Spears: *blushes* hee hee: sex and dancing. *makes stupid goofy face*
HoneyRain: So basically the same crap you’ve been putting out for the past 5 years, only this time it’s about sex.
Britney Spears: YEAH! *looks confused*
(Her P.R. people are shaking their heads at her)