Carson Daly Visits Conan O’Brien To Promote MTV Bash

Carson Daly stopped by Late Night with Conan O’Brien on Wednesday to promote the MTV Bash special for him that aired last night. He talked a bit about how Britney Spears gave him a rough time at the roast, but Carson later returned the favor. He also talked about ex-girlfriends Tara Reid and Jennifer Love Hewitt. Read on for a transcript.

Conan: All right, everybody. We are back. You know my first guest from MTV’s “Total Request Live” and from his show “Last Call,” which airs immediately following this program. On July 13th, he’s gonna be roasted on the “MTV Bash.” Please welcome, our good friend, Carson Daly!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Carson: Thank you very much.

Conan: Very nice to have you here.

Carson: That was hilarious — Arnold Schwarzenegger, our president, two very, very funny people.

Conan: Yeah.

Carson: Only on your show.

Conan: Yeah.

[ Imitating schwarzenegger ] “Baby’s bottle.”

[ Laughter ]

Carson: That was hilarious.

Conan: That’s what I’ll be thinking about as I go to sleep tonight.

Carson: Frightening.

Conan: “You look like a baby’s bottle.” Those things ring in my head.

Carson: How ’bout the spit was just coming out of his mouth.

Conan: On the screen, yeah. Exactly. Yeah, it’s disgusting. Our apologies to everyone at home.

Carson: What’s happening?

Conan: Well, I wanna ask you what’s happening.

Carson: Yes.

Conan: You were — you were roasted. You know, this is a long tradition where celebrities are roasted. It used to be a big thing, I guess, like in the ’60s. And they’re bringing it back now.

Carson: Yeah, the “dean martin roast” they used to have.

Conan: Right, and I heard that you were lambasted at this roast, that it was vicious.

Carson: I got killed. I mean, I got ruined at this thing.

Conan: Right.

Carson: Which was entertaining for everybody but me.

Conan: And do they tell you — how do they pitch it to you when they come to you and say, “we wanna roast you”?

Carson: What they do is they make it seem like they say we have, you know, “congratulations,” they start it with. You know, “you’ve been selected to be honored,” which, of course, is a load of crap.

Conan: Right.

Carson: They make you feel like you’ve won an award or something. “Don’t worry about it — they only roast the ones they love.” And, you know, so they get you going like you’re gonna get an award or something. And then you get there, and they have like every ex-girlfriend in the room. It’s like everybody’s worst nightmare. And your ex is there. My parents were there. My mom was crying within 20 minutes. Friends in the business are coming up, and they’re just going — people probably think it’s an MTV show and it’s sort of watered down, but it wasn’t. I mean, it was like — it was good jabs. I was laughing.

Conan: ‘Cause you kind of have to.

Carson: Yeah.

Conan: If they’re cutting to you and you’re weeping quietly —

[ Laughter ] — And like you’re eating some melted ice cream, that doesn’t

Carson: That’s the good news is that is was really funny.

Conan: Right, right.

Carson: It was really good.

Conan: Now, in the tradition of roasts, I think, the roasted person, the roastee, gets to get up at the end and has the opportunity to fight back. Did you get to do that?

Carson: I did at the end of it, and I roasted them back, just the people that were bashing me.

Conan: Who was bashing you that you got back?

Carson: A lot of them — Jennifer Love-Hewitt, one of my ex-girlfriends.

Conan: Right.

Carson: I think I might’ve hurt her feelings with what I said. I didn’t know what they were gonna to me, so when I was trying —

Conan: Was she harsh to you?

Carson: Very. She was reading these love letters that I had written her, and it was embarrassing.

[ Audience ohs ]

[ Laughter ]

Conan: Wait a minute! She read private love letters?

Carson: Yeah, yeah.

Conan: That’s unbelievable.

Carson: Yeah.

Conan: That seems like that’s going over the line.

Carson: And then she brought out this kid that she said was our illegitimate child that we had had.

[ Laughter ] And that’s just the beginning. I mean, you have no idea. That was the tame stuff.

Conan: That’s the nice part. And so what did you do to her?

Carson: Well, I can’t say what I did to her, just ’cause — it’s probably — it’s my only good line. So if anyone’s gonna watch the show, they gotta watch it.

Conan: Okay, okay.

Carson: Britney spears is there. I can tell you that.

Conan: And what did you say to Britney Spears?

Carson: Britney — well, first of all, Eminem opened the show. If there’s anybody you don’t want, you kn, , bashing you, it’s Eminem.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: I hear he’s a very kindly fellow.

Carson: Yeah, I think I left him alone, very wisely. I don’t need to be in another verse of one of his songs.

Conan: Right, right.

[ Laughter ] Yeah, I don’t think that’s —

[ Cheers and applause ] It’s also, you don’t wanna start like — the making fun of people in good fun I don’t think extends to rappers.

Carson: No, no. And Eminem of all people.

Conan: Exactly, yeah.

Carson: He was like an exemption. He can do whatever the hell he wants.

Conan: Right.

Carson: But, Britney, she opened the show. And she went after me. She said some funny stuff. And I think I said at the end when I came up to her — Fred Durst was also there, and I started by saying, “Britney, you know, you’re so busy. It’s so great to see you and Fred here together tonight. I’m sure you’ll deny this happened too.”

[ Laughter ]

Conan: Right, right.

Carson: And I said, “You know, Britney, on behalf of everybody that plays your music, I just wanted to say, thanks for the “[ Bleep ] Jobs.”

[ Laughter ]

Conan: This is a — so this is a show for the whole family, pretty much the idea.

Carson: Yeah.

[ Laughter ] This is how it went down.

Conan: This is kind of —

Carson: And then next, actually bashed me. And so right after that I said, “and Madonna, same thing.”

Conan: That’s always good.

Carson: Yeah.

Conan: “Remember that crappy thing I said to her? Yeah, you too!”

[ Laughter ]

Carson: Yeah, you, too. Exactly. It was bad it was really — they put my parents at a table which was right — and this is a big room, and I’ve got some of my buddies, you know. But in the old roasts, in traditional roasts, they usually have, like, your friends right there with you, you know?

Conan: Right, right.

Carson: So you have some support. I was in like the hot seat in the middle of the stage, and just people were parading out and just — just going right at me. I mean, Nelly was great. I mean, he was very, very funny. I didn’t think he would be, but he was. That’s what surprised me. Like the real comedians, you know, like Jeff Ross is a very funny guy, and Sarah Silverman, these people. But, Nelly, who knew he could — ?

Conan: He blew the room away, Nelly.

Carson: Oh, my god. He was hilarious.

Conan: Now, I’m curious. Did you learn anything from this roast? Is there anything you took away from this? Did you learn any essential life lessons that the rest of us can take with us when we’re roasted some day on MTV?

[ Laughter ]

Carson: Right. The only thing I’ve really learned is that, you know, prior to this, I actually kind of thought I was a pretty cool guy. And now I really learned that I am a complete douche bag.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: Right.

Carson: I’ve accepted now.

[ Cheers and applause ] Thank you!

Conan: So you’re sitting there, like —

Carson: It’s like starting anew. Like Jimmy Fallon’s right, I am a tool. I’ll celebrate — I think I got some tool award that night.

Conan: Uh-huh.

Carson: Yeah, it was good.

Conan: Now, I’m curious. And your parents are okay?

Carson: No, well some of these celebrities are, you know, are good friends of mine. My mom’s not talking to like half of them, you know? She was very, very upset.

Conan: Was she talking to Nelly much before? I’m just curious.

[ Laughter ] “I was just driving around in a Humvee with Nelly and –“

[ Laughter ]

Carson: My mom wrote half of “hot in here,” I think actually.

Conan: Really? Very nice.

Carson: They’re tight.

Conan: She should get a credit. Now, MTV is promoting this show like crazy. I mean, they’re — when they promote something, these cable networks, they go insane. It’s not like on network. On network, you’re lucky if you get a little tiny — ha-ha — a little somethin’. A little somethin’-somethin’. But, anyway —

[ Laughter ] Every now and then, a little crouton for Conan. A little tiny crouton for Conan.

[ Laughter ]

Carson: Yeah. I’m on in like an hour from now.

Conan: Oh, gees, yeah.

Carson: And you’re the only person that mentions us. Thank you, by the way.

Conan: Well, I like to mention you every now and then. By the way, coming up at 1:30 —

[ Laughter ] Who’s up this late? Anyway — no, apparently a lot of people are.

Carson: For your show, yeah.

Conan: No, 40 million Americans watch both of us. It’s incredible.

Carson: Wow, that’s great.

Conan: No one’s gonna look that up.

[ Laughter ] Did you — they’re promoting this show, and they’re actually — I heard this, they’re like manufacturing products

Carson: Oh, yeah, yeah. They — after we shot the show in L.A., I got a message from MTV. They wanted me to sort of approve this. But, I thought it was a great idea. They wanted to do this sort of guerilla-style promotion, where they would roll out in new york, L.A. And Chicago. And what they wanted to do was take this sort of plate that had my face on it, it said “MTV bash,” it airs this Sunday July 13th, at whatever.

Conan: And it’s got your face.

Carson: And it’s got my face on it. And they say, “and we’re gonna put it in all the bars in all the men’s rooms for guys to pee on –“

Conan: It’s a urinal cake?

Carson: It’s a urinal — it’s a urinal, like, mat.

Conan: Oh, it’s a urinal mat?

Carson: Yeah. Now, I think they’re out. Maybe if you’re out at a bar right now, take a piss on me, and get it over with.

[ Laughter ]

Conan: That’s such a — that would be such a hard —

Carson: As if like the bash wasn’t bad enough, you know?

Conan: An actual urinal screen, I must have the correct term before this — what would you call it?

Carson: I think urinal Matt, you know?

Conan: I think urinal sieve.

Carson: A sieve?

[ Laughter ]

Conan: Let’s think about this for a half an hour. It’ll be the weirdest television of all time.

Carson: Let’s bring the president back.

Conan: Yeah, let’s bring Arnold in here to tell us exactly what —

[ Impersonating Schwarzenegger ] “More W.”

Carson: So that’s — yeah. So —

Conan: Well, you should make sure you get one of those, ’cause that’s something you’re gonna wanna give to your grandchildren some day.

Carson: Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Conan: “Here’s a urinal sieve.” “That’s a urinal Matt, granddad.”

Carson: That was kind of the whole idea behind the bash, and that’s why I liked it a lot, you know, it was because it was — it was all in good fun, and a lot of people did turn out. And it was real, which was great for MTV, ’cause we tend to sort of water stuff down.

Conan: Right.

Carson: And that — it was very blue. And it was kind of good, ’cause there’s a lot of guys, you know, or people especially that know me for “TRL” —

Conan: You’ve got big names, exactly.

Carson: So this is like, you know, and of a cleansing. We can kind of start a new relationship now, me and the American audience.

Conan: Yeah, now that you’ve purged —

Carson: Now that I’ve been bashed and beat on.

Conan: You’ve purged all this, exactly. Now, I wanna ask, because we’re almost out of time, but I gotta ask you about this. Every day I pick up the newspaper, I read about you.

Carson: Yeah.

Conan: You’re in the tabloids constantly. You’re in the gossip columns. You’re everywhere. What’s the story?

Carson: I don’t know what the deal is. You know, we just had July 4th. I was out, you know, in the Hamptons and —

Conan: You go out a lot. You go to a lot of parties.

Carson: And that’s the thing. I really don’t actually.

Conan: You’ve got to. Every time I pick up the paper, they say — you’re at this party, you’re at that party.

Carson: Well, anything that tara, my ex-fiance, if she’s involved — and she’s — you know, she’s in it quite a bit. Anything with her, they have to sort of drag me into it.

Conan: So even if you’re not at a party that tara reid’s at, they have to say that somehow that you were there, that you were nearby lurking.

Carson: That’s what just happened this weekend. They had it — it ran like today or yesterday. And it said, you know, “Tara and Carson, sort of near miss thing.” You know, “tara was out on a boat in the Hamptons, and Carson’s on a boat, and he was invited to the party on her boat. And he didn’t go to her boat because –” and it was in quotes, that I said this — I would go to her party if they threw her overboard.

[ Laughter ] And it’s in quotes.

Conan: It’s in quotes like you said that.

Carson: Yeah. I might’ve been thinking that, but I sure as hell didn’t say it.

[ Laughter ] I’m kidding, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. No, but it’s sad, it’s sad.

Conan: Right, right.

Carson: You know, ’cause like I didn’t say that and, you know. It was like, at Puffy’s party they said, “the cops came ’cause Carson’s friends couldn’t get it.” I’m like I’m never gonna go out again, you know?

Conan: I’ll tell you something, I am never linked to Puffy’s party.

[ Laughter ] Because I think people — if people had said that puffy had a party and Conan O’Brien was there, the whitest man in america —

Carson: That would be cool.

Conan: No, that would not be cool.

Carson: Yeah, sure it would.

Conan: People would say like, “what the hell was — what is that guy doing there? Why was bob’s big boy hanging out at puffy’s place?”

[ Laughter ]

Carson: That’s not true.

Conan: Hi, everybody!

[ Laughter ] Hi, Puffy! Let’s get it on.

[ Laughter ]

Carson: That’s not true.

Conan: That’s no party.

Carson: You drink the cristal.

Conan: I would drink the cristal —

Carson: That’s what he does, he passes out cristal.

Conan: — And then get very sick. Does he pass out cristal?

Carson: Yeah, it’s crazy.

Conan: I’ve got to hang with rappers.

[ Laughter ]

Carson: Yeah.

Conan: When am I gonna get a urinal cake? All right. “MTV bash” airs Sunday night at 9:00.

Carson: Yeah.

Conan: And congratulations — “last call” just got picked up, like it wouldn’t —

Carson: Oh, thank you.

Conan: — It’s doing so great. But it just got picked up for a third season. Time — I can’t believe it’s been —

Carson: I know, it’s crazy.

Conan: — This is the third season now.

Carson: I know.

Conan: It goes really fast.

Carson: Well, we’ve done well. I mean, we have the best lead-in in the business.

Conan: Please.

Carson: Thank you.

Conan: And we all have jay, and before him, the whole NBC line-up.

Carson: It’s good!

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ]

Conan: See?

[ Applause ] Hey, carson, congratulations on doing such a good job. Carson Daly

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