Conan Explains Russian Phrases Lance Bass Must Learn

Conan O’Brien ran a short segment joking about *NSYNC star Lance Bass and his getting approval to join a Russian space crew for an upcoming mission, and his requirement to learn Russian phrases. Read on for the transcript.

All right, now, before we get started tonight, it was announced this
week that Lance Bass from *NSYNC was — [ Audience boos ] Did I — did
I mention it’s hateful mob night here at the show?

[ Laughter ] If you’re part of a hateful mob, write in for tickets.

[ Laughter ] Grrr, that sounds good to me!

[ Applause ] Anyway —

[ Cheers and applause ] I’ll try this again.

[ Applause ] It was announced that Lance Bass from *NSYNC has been approved
— I’m not making this up — approved to join a Russian space crew on a
mission to space next year, all right? It’s gonna cost him $20 million
and all he needs to do is learn some basic safety rules and a few Russian
phrases and then they’re gonna send him off into space. Now, actually,
I don’t know how we did it, but we got a list of some of the phrases that
Lance is gonna have to learn.

[ Light laughter ] This is true. For instance, yeah — for emergencies,
there’s this phrase right here which means, “Which one of you commies has
my hair gel?”

[ Laughter ] There’s this phrase for when lance is in orbit. And the
phrase means, “Oh, my God, there’s the planet that buys all my crappy music.”

[ Applause ] And finally —

[ Applause ] Finally — finally, he’s definitely gonna need this phrase
right here, and it means, “All right, I’ll say it. We ‘N Suck, now let
me back in the ship.”

[ Laughter ]

[ Cheers and applause ] It’s just good to know.

[ Applause ] Ha ha! Got him.

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