Not Another Comparative Essay!

Contributed anonymously:

Hello. My name is Anonymous. I’m a member on here but for this essay’s sake, I’m not posting my name. Anyways, I’ve noticed the increasing number of vs. Mariah and Britney vs. Christina feuds here. Fans and haters alike spend their time trying to prove their idol is the best thing since sliced bread and bashing everyone else left and right. So let’s take a quick review of the facts about these ladies:

1. Madonna- She is truly the greatest person ever. With her weak vocals, fake English accent, and her predictable reinventions, it is truly easy to see why she’ll be a legend. Her amazing acting talent is unbeatable, it’s right up there with Hilary Duff’s, Keanu Reeve’s and Ashlee Simpson’s. Her latest video for “Hung Up” shows that her aging body is miraculously defying gravity. She is an amazing songwriter and most of her songs are classics if they’re not already.

2. Mariah Carey- This woman is definitely the most talented. Whispering through most of her songs, her voice is amazing. Her mental state is perfect. You didn’t know? That breakdown she had a few years ago was just a figment of our imagination. And her acting? Breathtaking. “Glitter” anyone? She’s very down-to-earth as well. I mean, come on, who doesn’t have someone hold the can for them while they take a sip of soda? 2005 may be “her year”, but honestly, what other really big artists have had CD’s come out this year? (Ok don’t answer this because I’m sure there were alot, but just work with me here).

3. Britney Spears- Wow. TRULY a legend in the making. With her computer-generated vocals, special effects, and robotic choreography, her albums and concerts are surely worth buying or going to see. And in Hollywood? Wasn’t “Crossroads” definitely snubbed by the Oscars? Insulting. And offstage? Stealing a freeloading man from his pregnant girlfriend, marrying him and having his child; walking into gas station bathrooms barefoot; faking a knee injury to get out of entertaining her fans. This woman just reeks of class AND talent. Her songs are catchy pop jingles thanks to her producers.

4. Christina Aguilera- A genuine superstar. Sadly, her amazing singing voice and powerful lyrics don’t make us forget her antics of publicity. “Dirrty”? That’s like a ho’s anthem. Which it is. Her poor attempts at reinvention seem to channel Marilyn, Gwen, and Madonna. Her interviews always seem to include the word “sex”. Ho! I can’t say anything about her acting though, because she hasn’t done any movies yet. Taking 3 years on an album? Come on. You know people are going to forget about you. Though her marriage seemed to have calmed her down a bit, we have yet to see. Is she still a ho? Or an honest, married woman?

See? I cleared it up for all you fans and haters. Yell at me now.

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