What The Crystal Ball Says About Our Favorite Ladies

Contributed Anonymously:

Through the usage of modern science and traditional witchcraft techniques, we have been able to look right into the future and find out how our favorite ladies of pop music would fare. Although this method is not scientific, it is guaranteed by the God of rock and roll himself to be 100 percent accurate. Therefore brace yourself for some of these revelations would be scary:

Mandy Moore : Mandy who?

Jessica Simpson : Simpson has been enlisted by NASA in a research to create new subspecies such as flying buffaloes and tunas that grow feathers

Mariah Carey : will clean up her act, tuck in those large fake boobs and belt out a classic written by Jimmy Jam, Terry Lewis and R. Kelly

Jennifer Lopez: Sorry.. Big ass and no talent is not vogue anymore, but enjoys a moderate hit with ‘Dear Ben, Puffy, Marc, that man I can’t remember his name, Antonio, wrong, Terry …..

Avril Lavigne – She has started out as a punk who sings pop and then became a pop singer who pretends to sing rock and in the future, she is a stripper who sings jingles

Michelle Branch- she apologizes by causing erectile problems among men by posing semi-nude in Maxim… but continues to sing wash-down rock anthems and play crappy guitar

Madonna – still rocking away

Janet Jackson – begged the crowd for forgiveness for causing uncountable nightmares for her nipplegate incident and returned with a big hit.

Christina Aguilera – jailed for trying to set Britney’s house on fire, still moans about why no one knew that she kissed too, copies Britney spears, Madonna and pink and releases a album called “In The Stripper’s Zone” that sold 50 copies worldwide

Jewel – Declared the most talented woman of the year, released a smash album and wrote an entire album for Alanis Morissette.

Beyonce Knowles – Perfect , beautiful and impeccable as ever. She releases yet another hit album and is declared America’s sweetheart

Britney Spears – bounces back after disappearing for 3 years .. Many thought that she was eaten by sharks or killed by obsessive fans like Christina Aguilera ..Enjoys massive hits like “A full woman” , “what I hated about me!” and “Playful gal”

There you go…. a 100% reliable sneak peak into the future.

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