Christina Aguilera’s ‘Dirrty’ Gets Spoofed By SNL

Sarah Michelle Gellar performed as Christina Aguilera in a spoof of MTV’s Making the Video for her new ‘Dirrty’ video. Before that, Tina Fey joked that by just watching the video, she had caught a venereal disease. I put the video clip up on KaZaA (though my video capture makes it half-green), but you can also check out a transcript by reading on.

MTV: This is gonna to get dirty, y’all. And check out the world premiere
of her new video, “dirty.”

DL: This video’s gonna be real nasty and real lachapelle-like. A lot
of subversive things. A lot of plushies. A lot of bad smells. It’s sort
of like if you pulled up a stink clog and christina was hanging from it.

CA: David lachapelle and me, we sort of co-did this video together.
The song is called “dirty.” I wanted to call this song “[ Beep ]-Guzzling
road whore,” but lil’ kim already used that.

DL: I was going put panties on christina. But she doesn’t want to wear
no panty ps. So, i just painted her pooh-pooh red. Turn your ass around.

[ Laughter ]

CA: You know that dirty feeling, you know, when you wake up with no
pants on, face down on the floor of a city bus and you’ve got like a condom
in your ear? Well, that’s the feeling we’re trying to create. I love that
feeling. Damn.

Dancer: Sometimes I get what I call a “christina burn” from her humping
on me so hard.

Dancer: Once I got a christina burn on my neck.

Assistant: Okay, listen up, dancers and the first row of masturbators.
I am going to be spraying you guys with artificial B.O. But do not worry,
it’s just water that they boiled lobsters in. Focus up.

DL: Okay, guys. Get up on these. Get up. And action.

I’m gonna get my girls get your boys gonna make some noise

gonna get rowdy

gonna get a little unruly

get it fired up in a hurry

gonna get dirty

it’s about time that came to start the party

sweat’s drippin’ over my body

dancin’ and gettin’ just a little naughty

gonna get dirty

it’s about time for my arrival

CA: Cut! David.

CA: David. David.

DL: Okay. What do you want? Tell david lachapelle what you want?

CA: It ain’t dirty enough.

DL: Can we get more urine in the fog machine, please?

[ Laughter ]

Assistant: Okay, everybody, take a dip in the litter boxes again, please.
And I am missing the guy in the mexican wrestling mask.

Mask Guy: I just threw up inside my mask.

[ Laughter ]

Assistant: Please wait for your cue next time. Okay, we’re moving on,
everybody. Moving on to the party. Let’s get redman.

Redman: Yo. You know what I’m saying? When i first came here, christina
ain’t had her stuff together. So, i had to get down like that. You know
what I’m saying? Crazy. Ill crazy. Ill maddy.

Assistant: Can we get some more boogers on those kick boxers, please?

DL: Okay, redman — oh, I almost forgot, christina wanted you to sniff
this for inspiration.

CA: I am really excited about redman being in my video, he is so dirty
like me. We had sex a bunch of times. But we hadn’t met, you know, formally
until today.

I’m shinin’ with both the sleeves up

yo, christina

what

better hop in here my block live and in color like rodman hair

CA: Cut! David!

DL: Yes, christine — what, what, what?

CA: It just ain’t skanky enough. I ain’t feelen it.

DL: Oh, think, lachapelle, think. Like lachapelle think, “who you are.

CA: I ain’t no director. But, you know, I could ride somebody’s leg
while they farted.

[ Laughter ] I feel so free now, you know? ‘Cause when people see this
video, they’re going to stop thinking of me as some blonde-haired, bubble-gum,
music-industry ho. And start thinking of me as an actual ho. You know,
like the kind that hangs out at [ Bleep ]

I came to start the party

party

naughty

gonna get dirty

CA: David! David, david?

DL: Yes, I’m right here.

CA: But it still ain’t skanky enough.

DL: Uh-oh. Okay. Guess who center square is. David lachapelle, and I
know what christina needs.

Assistant: Okay, can we get quiet, please? Can we stop all the work,
please? Can we please take the chickens outside?

DL: No, I want the chickens to hear this.

Assistant: Okay, cancel that. Chickens stay.

DL: I got it. We need a large red rubber baboon ass.

CA: You are a dirty genius.

DL: We’re going to move like this. It’s going to be great.

Let’s get dirty

party

let’s get dirty party

wanna get dirty

started

wannna get dirty

it’s about time for my arrival

what