Brooke White updated fans on her blog at MySpace (@brookewhite) on Thursday (April 2), talking about returning to the role of watching ‘American Idol’ after participating in the hit FOX show last year. White tells readers:
“Did I really do that?” was the question I asked Dave last night as we sat watching the last half of last night’s results show. Yes, sometimes… or even often, I have to remind myself that I was on American Idol. Since season 8 has started, I have had few opportunities to really sit down watch the show, as I have been completely submerged in the making of High Hopes & Heartbreak. However the handful of times that I have had the chance to watch, I have been overwhelmed with feelings of anxiety… “POST IDOL TRAUMA” as I like to call it :) Yep, well I guess I’m a little traumatized… why? I dunno, I suppose cause I kinda know what they are going through, and again, It’s hard for me to believe that I actually went through it myself! As a matter of fact, watching the show reminds me how absolutely insane it all really was, the difference is, while I was actually on the show, I felt like I was in a bubble, sheltered and protected from the outside world, keeping my focus, and even when I was in that studio singing and playing the piano in front of a few 100 people in the audience along with some cameras, I never really grasped the idea (purposefully perhaps:) that in reality I was performing in front of millions, in peoples living rooms through out the country for several weeks. Though it was still unbelievably stressful and scary… I think I felt somewhat safe in a way, not seeing myself through the eyes of the public, tuning out their opinions and judgements. Dealing with the judges feedback was enough to handle, along with struggling with my own insecurities. But now, outside looking in, watching the show after being on it, gives me a whole new perspective on the experience. A somewhat terrifying perspective:)
As I was driving in my car Wednesday Morning, I flipped through several radio stations, sure enough every morning show was buzzing with Idol Talk, and what was disappointing to me, was that the majority of the commentary was in fact negative, harsh and mean spirited towards contestants as well as judges. Comparing this person to another, who’s better than who, kinda like a popularity contest, kinda reminiscent of high school. I just notice this type of response overall… it’s almost as if there just seem to be so many that just love the opportunity to express their dislike about people that they don’t even know.
