A shirtless John Mayer graces the cover of Rolling Stone’s new issue, where the 32-year-old discusses how his life has been helped by masturbating.

I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.

A preview and watch behind the scenes footage from the photo shoot at rollingstone.com has since been removed/relocated.

John Mayer Performs ‘The Heart Of Life’ On ‘Larry King Live’

January 20, 2010 - John Mayer performed at the Hammersmith Apollo in London, England on Monday (January 18). The singer songwriter’s performance of ‘The Heart of Life’ aired during the ‘Larry King Live’ 2-hour special raising earthquake relief funds for Haiti. Watch it below.

John Mayer is offering moviegoing advice for his Twitter followers (@johncmayer) after attending a screening of the new big budget 3D film ‘Avatar’. The singer songwriter tells readers:

Most compelling part of Avatar? The man next to me at the urinal who pulled his pants and boxers down to his knees. Alien indeed.

You heard it here, folks: it’s possible to be both an intelligent, culturally literate member of society AND walk out on Avatar.

What I meant to say about Avatar is don’t go see it if you’re buzzed on margaritas the size of a goldfish bowl.

I will take a crack at Avatar again, this time with good old fashioned peyote.

John Mayer was spotted arriving in Los Angeles with a female friend on Sunday (December 13). Pictures from bauergriffinonline.com have since been removed.

The singer songwriter took to his Twitter (@johncmayer) that day to weigh in on the news Tiger Woods had lost an endorsement deal with consulting and outsourcing firm Accenture in reaction to his marital infidelity. He writes:

Accenture just dropped Tiger. Apparently he was no longer a good fit with that company that nobody knows what the hell they do.

Dear Accenture, I would love to endorse your space shuttle parts. Or is it your sentient war machines? Tic Tac Toe scoreboards?

Do they make assgaskets? Motorized fake beard racks? Big pants for little people? Do they make dollhouse panic rooms?

John Mayer issued a challenge to TMZ’s Harvey Levin to produce his mugshot, offering $25,000 to charity of Harvey’s choice if they could, and the celebrity web site succeeded in finding the picture taken for a 2001 arrest for driving with a suspended license in Atlanta, Georgia. The singer songwriter told his Twitter followers (@johncmayer):

I was arrested for the same offense as Patrick Stump. (FTA). It’s the lamest answer to the question “why you in here?”

Challenge: if Harvey Levin at TMZ can produce my mugshot, I will donate 25k to the charity of his choice.

Tremendous reply. RT @frenchs Wait, didn’t you get arrested for attempting to solicit a Canine police officer?

@HarveyLevinTMZ Hint: in the first half of the naughts, in the home of the Brave.

Well done, TMZ. But the real winners today are the puppies. Proof of payment on the way…

per @harveylevintmz, 25k to be split between two charities: Pet Orphans (petorphansfund.org/) and Ace of Hearts (acesangels.org).